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6th grade woes

RebeccaH

RebeccaH

Life is exciting, yes it is!
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Jul 12, 2009
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Well bugga... I had parent night for my 6th grader tonight. Afterward, his teacher was telling me what a great kid he is in class and so forth, so I thought it would be nice to sit down with him when I got home and pass along the praise a little bit. Somehow, this led to him telling me that people in class don't often want to partner with him in group work. He said it's not because they're being mean or don't like him, but that they already have other partners that they always work with. At first this didn't sound like a huge deal to me, but the fact that he started crying clued me in that this IS a huge deal to him. How do you explain to a 6th grader that chasing the popularity contest that is jr high and high school is an utter waste of time? How do you convince a child that his self esteme should not rest so heavily on group partners? It's sad :cry
 
Middle school is hard... I would credit 7th being the worst year in my life, ever. Tell him that in 5, 10, 20 years... it won't matter. That doesn't mean that it's not important... but it's just not the end of the world. Most of all, just be willing to listen to him. There was nothing my mother could fix during my hell year, but just having her shoulder to cry on and talk to meant the world to me.
 
well that's good to hear. because i can't fix any of it. i did tell him that years down the road, this will not feel like such a big deal and that these people he's so concerned about probably won't even be important to him anymore. but yes, listening and giving hugs i can do.

it doesn't help that he is one of the 'non athletic' boys. he is a gymnast, which is pretty darn athletic if you ask me, but he doesn't do football, basketball, baseball, soccer... none of the heavy hitters. and he's uncomfortable doing them. so he feels like an outsider because he doesn't have that in common with most of the other boys in his classroom.
 
I'm sorry this is happening. I had exactly the same experience in 6th grade...no one could fix it and it sucked. I agree that listening was incredibly helpful. Sometimes when my parents tried to diminish the situation ("aw, don't listen to them-- you be the best you can be and people will like you for who you are."), I remember it kind of made me feel like they didn't think it was a big deal. Of course I know now that that wasn't their intent but at the time it was hard to see that. Sometimes I wished they'd just said, "Wow... that really must have hurt your feelings. What can I do to make you feel better?" Good luck! xo
 
In middle school, even for the girls, it was all about athletics. And I so.. was not athletic. Instead, I got moved into a special advanced math class and reading class. Let's talk about ways to NOT make friends: being super nerdy. But in the end? It doesn't matter. I found out who were my real friends, and they still are my best friends.

Not that a 6th grade boy wants to hear this, but he CAN make friends with the girls :)

It sounds like you're doing a great job Rebecca :)
 
I have SO been in your shoes. My son always felt a little apart from the other boys because he wasn't athletic (in the standard way). I always emphasized that we all have our strengths, the things that we are best at and reminded him that scouting was his strength. I think it helped for me to always be positive ( not that I'm ever negative ). I also told both kids about how shy etc I was in junior high and high school, how hard it was to make friends for me. I wanted them to know I'd been through it.

There will come a time when his gymnast skill set will be an advantage or something impressive and the other students will notice that. Another suggestion I always made was for them to introduce themselves to people who were new or looked shy so that they could be part of the solution and not part of the problem.
 
I don't have any additional advice to offer, but do know having so much support and love at home can only lessen the upset, even if only slightly. Big hugs to you both.
 
My son was an outsider too, not into sports at all, quiet and kinda artsy. He had a hard time in grade six and seven, it was awful to see. He met a great group of friends in grade eight and they are still all friends today at 20. I am so grateful to them!
 
I have a feeling that my oldest will be in this same boat. He's not into any sports and that's totally fine with me, but I have a feeling he'll feel on the outside at times because of it. I'm so sorry that your son is sad and struggling with this, but I totally agree that the best thing you can do is be there for him and listen and give him lots of hugs and love.
 
Our friends' son went thru that last year and what helped him was that now he's in the 8th grade with a different group of classmates.
 
That's hard. Sixth grade is such a hard time anyway. We just moved and my girls (2nd) grade are noticing that they don't have many friends because they're the new kids.
 
That is so tough, Rebecca. Why does growing up have to be so hard? I remember middle school not being my favorite years either and I think that it is even tougher on kids now. I hope that by him opening up to you and talking to you about it, he will continue to do so and know that you are always 'in his corner'!
 
I don't have any advice other than to be there for him to talk to and lean on...and to make sure he knows it. Middle school is really the hardest years ever because everyone is trying to figure out who they are any where they fit in.
 
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