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Need ideas for my sister!

I have never heard of this. Wow. She is in my prayers! Now, I haven't read everyone else's comments, but here's what I think

Be there for her. Spend time with her. Listen to her if she needs to talk, let her cry (or whatever) when she needs to in your presence. Just having you there (I'm assuming you live close by!) will be appreciated more than you know. Make her a meal, her favorite foods, do a Starbucks run. Watch a movie, go shopping. Try to do the normal, everyday stuff, because that's what helps.

If the baby won't be living long, possibly help her by obtaining a burial gown and such (there are organizations that donate gowns for babies, like Now I Lay Me Down to Sleep). The hospital should have resources for you. Do some of the legwork for her to see if the hospital has any support groups before/during/after that she can attend. Also see if your sister would like to have professional photos taken of the baby, and if yes, the hospital would also know who to contact.

I am so sorry that you all are going through this. I'm praying hard now!
 
Oh Erin! I'm so sorry. I'm thinking of your family and Hannah! Hugs! I have no other advice, you have gotten some wonderful ideas!
 
I don't know if I have anything new to add....I think the scrapbook is a good idea for something tangible to do.

My sister lost her baby unexpectedly. She was still born at 38 weeks. I know it's a little different. But what helped my sister was just being there, letting her talk about the baby whenever she wanted & even now a couple years later...to know her baby meant something & still does.
 
My heart just hurts reading this. :( One of my best friends has lost two babies shortly after birth and it is awful in every way. I remember feeling just helpless because I wanted to help, but didn't know how. As we were in a small bible study group together, we prayed and prayed and let the family know that we were praying for them often. That helps. We also paid for someone to clean their house for months afterwards because we wanted to lessen the load for her and give her time to grieve. We also did meals, etc. But she told me that one of most precious things is to let her talk about her babies and let her know that they are remembered not just in her heart but ours as well. They were fortunate enough to have a photographer from Now I Lay Me Down to Sleep (non-profit organization) come and take pictures of the babies for them to have forever. Maybe that is something to look into too? I know it may seem weird or morbid, but it was a huge blessing to them. Also, looking into the future, always remember the birthday because they certainly will and it helps to know and acknowledge that with them so they don't feel alone on that day. OH! Another thing that I did for her (at her request) was to make a small paper Christmas ornament hung on a ribbon, so they could mail them out in their Christmas cards that year and we have hung them on our tree in remembrance every year.
 

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My sister has a friend who lost a couple babies, I think they were twins. I remember one time she visited the cemetery and then told the friend that she had said hello to these two little ones that day. That meant a lot to her friend. I can't remember all the details but my sister has such a sweet way of doing and saying things. And it was like, Hey (whatever the friend's name was)! I saw the boys today! Something like that. I think it's important that we don't forget these little ones. They will always be in the hearts of the parents and I feel it helps when we remember them, too.

Also, I love the idea of the plant. When my Mom passed away, her brother gave his daughter money he would have spent on flowers for the funeral and told her to give it to my sisters, brother and I and have us buy a plant to remember our Mom by. I got an asparagus fern with my share of that money and it meant so much to me. And asparagus ferns seem to do well in spite of me! So it lasted a long time and I loved having that in my little flower pot garden to remind me of my Mom.

Hugs and prayers for you and your family as you all go thru this hard time. The ladies here have shared some wonderful ideas here and I don't think you can go wrong with them.
 
heart breaking to read this thread. Thoughts with your whole family trying to process this, now and in the future. Of my friends/family/acquaintances that have lost children, remembering them in the future - for all the joy they've brought, even with the hard times - has been their goal. Every birthday, every anniversary of their actual passing... It's not just the life itself that is lost, but all the dreams and plans you don't even realize you make... constant reminders when they come up (like finding out you were pregnant in the fall, and buying an extra stocking this year for baby's first Christmas next year, and then Christmas rolls around and no baby to celebrate it).

one friend lost a daughter around Christmas time (age 4), the casket was covered in Poinsettias, and her Christmas tree is covered in poinsettias each year in remembrance. There have been scrapbooks made for the times of their lives... memorial posts on facebook for years afterwards - so maybe a specially made scrapbooked profile pic or timeline cover, that is meant to be up for some time.

I absolutely agree with the idea that you could research different counseling or support groups, but me personally, I wouldn't offer them up right when I found them... just if I noticed signs that told me she needed someone to talk to, I would try to steer towards these groups I've researched... I'm not sure. Everyone processes things so differently, it's hard to be sure. Maybe she doesn't even know. I can't imagine the pain and struggle this must be, so again.... hugs and thoughts with your whole family now, and in the future.
 
Thank you guys! You have been such a blessing, just to have somewhere to toss ideas around without having to worry about upsetting the rest of the family. It helps me feel more grounded in such an emotional time.

Extra prayers for her right now please - they live near Houston, and their town was just evacuated for the hurricane - they are expecting 10 ft floods in the town center - which is less than a mile from her house - so to say they are stressed is an understatement.

klee73010 said:
I absolutely agree with the idea that you could research different counseling or support groups, but me personally, I wouldn't offer them up right when I found them... just if I noticed signs that told me she needed someone to talk to, I would try to steer towards these groups I've researched... I'm not sure.
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Thanks! She is actually already in a group for families of trisomy 13 - she joined just after the diagnosis and it has been helpful for her. Some families lost their babies, others have 10 year olds, all have different needs. She has been talking a lot about the different people and the support and encouragement they have been giving her, so I am grateful for that. These are people who really can understand all of what she is feeling and dealing with.

Karen said:
Another thing that I did for her (at her request) was to make a small paper Christmas ornament hung on a ribbon, so they could mail them out in their Christmas cards that year and we have hung them on our tree in remembrance every year.
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That is really cool! And I love your angel! Thank you!
 
So heartbreaking...everything I could think of has already been suggested. Just celebrating her time here, no matter the length of time will be so very important.

Keeping your family in my thoughts...
 
bbymks5 said:
I just remembered a Craigslist transaction I had with a woman named Deanna Parish who had lost her infant daughter in 2008, I don't remember all of the details, but I do remember her RAK card.

https://missfoundation.org/support/kindness
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how neat! That is something I can totally see my sister doing - one day! She has such a big heart. I will keep that link for later to share with her, but I might use it sooner - I do appreciate it!
 
You're welcome!!!

I wish I could remember all of the details...I remember her having a clickable link in her email reply to me (of course I clicked it) and then before you know it I was making stars with my Cricut (that's how long ago it was) and at her house. I don't remember what the stars were for, and I don't remember how soon after her daughter had passed, but I do still think of them from time to time. Her daughter and I share the same birthday.

mimisgirl said:
how neat! That is something I can totally see my sister doing - one day! She has such a big heart. I will keep that link for later to share with her, but I might use it sooner - I do appreciate it!
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I've been in a very similar position to your sister; my little boy died shortly after birth two years ago.

I guess my advice would be that when the time comes to have the baby, wherever or however it happens, it would help to have someone take care of the details we didn't think about - things like maternity pads, nursing pads, soothing inserts for her bra, socks for labour, pen and paper.

Take photos of Hannah. She may never look at them - I've never looked at ours - but that USB stick is one of the most treasured items I have. I could

One of the things I struggled with was being unable to celebrate my son's birth. His death, not his birth, was the tragedy. As with most new parents, we felt an enormous sense of pride and joy in our little boy's existence. I wish people had been able to see that.

And I guess I'd also say: take care of yourself so that you can be in a position to take care of your sister and her family when they need you most. They're working an impossibly hard road.

Keeping you all in my thoughts.
 
mimisgirl said:
Hey guys! This has been a rough month for my family, and very sad in so many ways.

The main thing we are dealing with right now, is my youngest sister. She is about 25 weeks pregnant. They went in a few weeks back for their anatomy scan ( to learn the gender) and came home with the knowledge that their little girl has trisomy 13.

The past few weeks have been full of appointments, tests, scans, etc. Each one shows a bleaker outlook on the situation. The baby is doing fine for now, but has some significant formation issues ( intestines are outside her body, too many fingers, missing facial features, and something is not right with her brain, but they are unsure what exactly, etc.)

At this point the doctors don't expect that she will live long after birth, which breaks my heart in so many ways!

My sister has been very brave. She has cried a lot, but is also celebrating every moment of this pregnancy, and talking about Hannah (baby's name) each step of the way. I am so proud of her. I don't know that I could be that strong.

So my question is - what can I do for my sister and her family? I feel like some of you have experienced this kind of thing in the past and would really like to know what you think the best way to reach out, serve, and love them will be. What are your ideas?
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First of all, I commend her of taking the gift of life so seriously. She will be blessed for this!!

I would make her a care package - fun snacks, a pretty journal, this book: https://www.amazon.com/Gift-Time-Continuing-Pregnancy-Expected/dp/0801897629

and when its time --- name a star for Hannah https://star-name-registry.org/inde...rB0uR1DdPcpSMRQnWVOrk0Jld4XuiXKuveBoCiK_w_wcB
 
It's so heart wrenching seeing so many people here who have struggled through situations like this. For heart goes out for all of you! :heartslub
 
I just got a call from my sister that they think Hannah has already passed. The Dr. was concerned about her heart, they were having a hard time assessing it, and this week at her weekly check up they could not find the heartbeat. My sister is going into the Hospital for more tests before they decide what to do.

I have lost several babies myself, but all before birth - so my heart is breaking for her right now.

Thank you everyone for your prayers and encouragement during this.
 
mimisgirl said:
I just got a call from my sister that they think Hannah has already passed. The Dr. was concerned about her heart, they were having a hard time assessing it, and this week at her weekly check up they could not find the heartbeat. My sister is going into the Hospital for more tests before they decide what to do.

I have lost several babies myself, but all before birth - so my heart is breaking for her right now.

Thank you everyone for your prayers and encouragement during this.
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:heartlub Lots of love and prayers to you and your family right now!
 
Prayers for you and your family. There have been a lot of good suggestions in this thread. I would also like to add an additional "plug" for photos. Take them, and put them away for when your sister might want them. Not everyone does, but if you don't take them, you can never go back and get them. I am a retired NICU nurse, and years ago no one wanted to take photos , but we started doing it and a lot of families came back later for them. Now it is much more accepted and there are even professional photographers that donate their services.
 
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