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Speaking of Difficult Topics...

Sara

Sara

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Do you have a will in place? Have you ever thought about what your wishes are for your family and property after you've passed away?
 
we haven't. don't know why we are avoiding that. ugh. really really need to come up with something.
 
I know this is something that a lot of people don't like to think about. It's not a particularly "happy" topic, I suppose. And I would probably be one of those people if it weren't for DH's occupation (wherein he is required to have all his affairs in order).

But more recently I've become a big advocate for Getting Your Affairs in Order a.ka. Planning for the Future a.k.a Making Your Wishes Known because of my experience after my dad's passing. He did not have a will in place. And we are still -- 20 months later -- dealing with the probate process. I've realized two things I hadn't considered. 1) it doesn't matter how "little" you have in the way of assets. Without a will, government entities are likely to have a process for dealing with any assets that do exist. And it's likely to be pricey, painful, and frustrating. And 2) debt doesn't just go away when you pass away and without a will it is likely that loved ones would have to deal with that as part of a probate process.

So now, having experienced this as I have, I've become a big advocate for getting all our own ducks in a row. We do have a legal will in place as well as a plan for guardianship and trust for Bugga in the event that both DG and I were to pass.

I was curious if anyone else has put plans in place too?
 
Yes, we have. It's hard to do - emotionally uncomfortable and forces you to think about things that as Mom you never want to imagine - but SO necessary. Kevin and I both have living wills, guardianship info for the kids and everything spelled out financially. We've also talked about (blah!) funeral arrangements for both of us. It gives me a stomachache just typing that, but I did feel a great sense of relief knowing the right documents, etc were in place.
 
lmccandless said:
Yes, we have. It's hard to do - emotionally uncomfortable and forces you to think about things that as Mom you never want to imagine - but SO necessary. Kevin and I both have living wills, guardianship info for the kids and everything spelled out financially. We've also talked about (blah!) funeral arrangements for both of us. It gives me a stomachache just typing that, but I did feel a great sense of relief knowing the right documents, etc were in place.
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You're so right! That's precisely it! It's SO emotionally uncomfortable and yet so very necessary. I feel that ache too just thinking about it. But goodness what a gift to those we love to have everything in place. It is a tremendous relief to have everything settled.
 
we have wills but we have to update them and add our youngest... this is a good reminder!
 
I keep bringing this topic up periodically with my husband, but we never end up doing anything.

Ugh, I found an old will of my father's (from back when my sibs and I were little) and, if he and my mother both died, he'd decided to hand guardianship of us over to his brother. I don't like his brother much at all. He's got "that uncle" vibe all over him IYKWIM. Thank heavens my parents didn't die simultaneously. I'd suggest bringing children into the process if they're old enough to have an opinion of who their guardians might be.
 
We do... we wanted to be very clear who would get guardianship of our kids, so that if something were to happen to us we wouldn't have to worry about who was going to be raising our kids... we just didn't want our family fighting over our kids... and we have a clause that it includes all our kids then and in the future so we didn't have to update it every time we had another child... we also have living wills and really everything planned out and done... it just really makes me feel at ease knowing everything will be taken care of if something were to happen to either of us or the both of us :)
 
We don't have children so it hasn't been a big priority for us to put our wills & trust together...

However, I do work in finance, so I know what SHOULD be done. You should have a will, but also a living trust in place. The trust will ensure that when you pass, the assets do not have to go through probate and all the fees associated with it. This can save a lot of time and money. I am the Successor Trustee of two of my friends' living trusts. I guess they picked me because they trust me to execute their wishes correctly.

Here is more info on wills versus living trusts:
http://www.legalzoom.com/planning-your-estate/estate-planning-basics/will-vs-living-trust-whats
 
One of those topics DH likes to avoid! I keep at him & sooner or later we'll have to face it.
 
We're not on top of things in this area. I don't worry about guardianship issues so much because Nicholas' dad and I are divorced so it's highly unlikely we'd both go at the same time - we get along too well to take one another out. LOL Before Tom and I were married we talked about drawing up some legal docs on what would happen with our joint assets (our house, joint debt, etc) because technically my family would have dibs on my stuff then. But now that we're married that's not an issue in the state of WI.

We do need a living trust at this point, I'll probably make Christine the Trustee of it. HAH! No one else in our family is really qualified for that sort of responsibility. But also I need to sit down with my XH and have a conversation about Tom being able to remain a part of Nicholas' life should something happen to me. I'm just not sure whether that has to go in as an amendment to our existing custody agreement or whether it's something that can be a freestanding document. Right now our divorce/custody agreement protects the visitation rights of our immediate family (parents, siblings, nieces & nephews) in the event that something happens to one of us, but I'm not entirely sure if Tom is included in that. Like we had a discussion once where I asked, in the event that something happened to me, whether Tom would even stay in this area? All his family is down in Indiana. And he said "It would depend on how old Nicholas is." And then I realized that he probably has no claim to Nicholas, and even though my XH is a great guy and wouldn't try to keep them apart or anything, it would be much easier if it were all spelled out ahead of time so the two of them wouldn't have to negotiate some sort of schedule.

I should probably take care of these things, eh? I think I need to put it at the top of my list of things to take care of before the end of the year. It was easy in the beginning to just not worry too much about it, but at this point Tom has been around for over half of Nicholas' life. I should stop putting it off.
 
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listgirl said:
We don't have children so it hasn't been a big priority for us to put our wills & trust together...

However, I do work in finance, so I know what SHOULD be done. You should have a will, but also a living trust in place. The trust will ensure that when you pass, the assets do not have to go through probate and all the fees associated with it. This can save a lot of time and money. I am the Successor Trustee of two of my friends' living trusts. I guess they picked me because they trust me to execute their wishes correctly.

Here is more info on wills versus living trusts:
http://www.legalzoom.com/planning-your-estate/estate-planning-basics/will-vs-living-trust-whats
Click to expand...

Thanks for sharing this link, Christine!! Really useful information there.
 
Well we've got sorted who will take care of lina if something happens to us and who take care of our finances... I also know my DH wants to be burried where he was born in morocco (I understand, but do not really agree)... But that's all!!! We should really put things to paper too!!!
 
yes. we have always had wills. we have tried to keep them updated (last time was after Frogger was born) to specify direction for care and financial support of the children - we had it worded to include the children we had at the time AND any "future offspring." so, that covers us if, God forbid, something happens. we also have living wills, medical powers of atty, durable powers of atty, etc. i never want there to be any question as to wishes as far as any of those things go... also, there is enough emotion involved when something happens - those kinds of decisions should be in black and white so there are no questions as to intentions. or, as much as there can be...

as to the funeral stuff - we have chatted very briefly about it. personally, i could care less what happens to my body (i'll be with my Maker - what could be better?) - it would only be for those still here. may sound harsh, but i really don't like the thought of any of my loved ones standing over my grave, wishing for or dwelling on what could/should/would have been. life is for the living... on many levels.
 
We don't have a will, but we at least have life insurance and have made it clear to my family (both sides) who gets the kiddos. We even have the atty's phone number on our frig to call to get this finalized and just haven't done it. It costs about $500 to do the paper work and we never just have that kind of money floating around. Bad excuse, I know... but it's reality. :)
 
We do not. DH has a will and all of his life insurance beneficiaries straightened out due to his job, but that's about all. We know who we'd like to have custody of the kids should something happen - but have not legally named them yet. I know we need to...just haven't done so.
 
Within a week after I divorced, I did all the paperwork, a will specifying who had physical custody of the kids, who had financial custody of my assets to provide for the kids, all the medical living will papers naming my dad to make those decisions for me. But now that my kids are both over 18, I'll probably switch the personal representative over to my daughter (the oldest). At some point, I guess I'll change the medical living will stuff to her too knowing that she would consult both of my parents if still alive. Added to my to-do list!

Thanks for the reminder!
 
We stalled on this for the longest time, for the simple reason that we didn't have anyone suitable or that was capable of taking care of our kids the way we wanted. No couple or single family member satisfied our main requirements - provides a Christ-centered home (not just Sunday mornings), loves our kids, healthy (mentally, physically, emotionally) to raise kids, and wouldn't be tempted to take advantage of the situation financially.

But...we ended up making the best possible choice, and we are relieved to have the will in place.

scarletsierra said:
And 2) debt doesn't just go away when you pass away and without a will it is likely that loved ones would have to deal with that as part of a probate process.
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Not sure how things are in the US, but in Canada we have the option of getting mortgage death insurance - in the case of death, the balance of the mortgage is paid off automatically from the insurance and not from the estate.
 
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We've discussed it, but do not have it all officially laid out. Ours is tricky since if Hubs passed before SS was 18, his ex would be the first in line with her hand out. He does have his life insurance sorted out, but I'm quite sure she would contest it as not being fair since SS' portion is less than DD's and my combined portions. Not to mention having to sort out how his Social Security and pension would be divided between her house and mine. Sigh.

Guardianship is along the same lines. SS would obviously go to his mom if something happened to Hubs. I have told my sister in the past that I would like for her to raise DD if something were to happen to Hubs and me, but we don't have any paperwork on the subject. It will not be an issue, really, as there is no one else on either side of the family who would be able to/want to, but we should make it legal 'n' stuff.

Oh, and I have a Word document on my folder with how I want my death to be arranged. Yes, I do want a slideshow of my photos set to the tune of Joy Williams' 'Every Moment' with a choir in the background. Too much?! ;) Hubs has told me on more than one occasion how he wants his.
 
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We do have a will set up, and funny this was just brought up because this weekend we gave my parents a hard time about not having one yet because they have 5 kids with each of our OWN opinions on everything!!!! We told my mom if she wants our family to stay in tact after they pass (which is hopefully in a VERY VERY long time) then she better have something in place - or there will be some big fights.
 
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