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"photo" breakups?

Aussiegirl

Aussiegirl

Why yes, I CAN help you get to Disney!
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Question, how do you handle breakups in your photos? My daughter broke up with her boyfriend before I could scrap her Soiree photos. She doesn't want me to really scrap them, at least not the ones with him in them. She's ok with photos with her friends.

So how do you handle this? Photos where someone is not a family member or significant other anymore? I know for me, looking back, I am glad I kept a couple photos of my ex boyfriend from High School (mostly because I can show my girls, that my 1st boyfriend was NOT their dad, lesson learned!) and yes, those photos are scrapped in paper albums.

Just curious what some of you have done or do in this situation! Thanks! :)
 
I'm dealing with this right now as my son and his GF of 1.5 years just broke up. I will still scrap things that they/we did together but probably with more of an emphasis on us and fewer photos of his ex. So, in your situation, I would mostly scrap photos of your DD with her friends but include at least one of the ex. I agree that over time, she will probably be ok with looking back on photos of the ex as ancient history.
 
I just had this happen. I talked to her and asked what she thought and she said to finish scrapping the page because she'd probably want to remember it later.
 
I would think that someday she would want the memory of the dance. Even though it's hard right now and sad. Maybe wait a few months to scrap the page when it isn't so fresh and raw?
 
I’m not there yet with my kids so thanks for letting me know how you all handle this! I think it would be fun to put all my old boyfriends on one scrap page together haha
 
I have an album full of my son with his fiance'. It is what life was like then 2017/2018. This year will be him and his wife and their lives going forward. I doubt that he would want the previous albums, but I know that we loved her and accepted her as one of the family and my daughter treasures those albums.
 
When I first started scrapping over 20 years ago (with paper products), I did an album of my cousin's football career in college in the 80's. His girlfriend of several years at the time was in that album. Fast forward to now. He has married someone else, has 2 grown sons of his own. I showed him the album in 2016 and he loved it. So in 2021 I decided (after having copies of the pages made for me) to give him the album. I asked him how Veronica would feel about the photos of Norma. Veronica walked in and he asked her how she felt about those photos. She responded that Norma was a part of his life for several years long before she knew him and it didn't bother her. Actually she has met Norma since Jack and Norma graduated from high school together and they don't have a problem seeing each other.

Any hurt feelings they had when they broke up have long since gone away. I don't know about Norma but Jack is very happy with the life he has now and he was very appreciative to have the book of his college days even with Norma in it because back then most people weren't taking photos all the time!

If it were me, I would include maybe 1 photo from an event of them but focus the rest on the others that were there along with your daughter.
 
Pachimac said:
I just had this happen. I talked to her and asked what she thought and she said to finish scrapping the page because she'd probably want to remember it later.
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I LOVE that this is her attitude!! An ex is not the end of the world, and it's still a part of your story, whether or not a person is still around.

I think maybe when the break-up is fresh, I would give it some time before scrapping those pics, but ultimately, I think I would at least include the event or whatever without avoiding including the ex. In time, I think they'll be glad to have the full story told.

I guess the one exception would be in an instance where it will seriously create anxiety or other very negative feelings to flip through the pages.
 
I am a firm believer that everything that happened in our past made us who we are today! I made a senior thoughts book for my daughter her senior year. There were a lot of photos with her at the time boyfriend. They've since gone their separate ways, but I remember asking her if it was o.k. to include them in the album at the time in case they ever did break up. She said yes, because that is a moment of her life at that time and she was fully aware things may and should and would change.
 
Great answers and advice ladies! I'm so glad that those of you who have done this already, have had good reception of these pages! Having 4 girls, this is the 1st time we've had to deal with this...but I'm sure it won't be the last!
 
My 2 older girls have had a boyfriend with whom they've broken up. One was just a month-long (so just one picture of him ended up in my family scrapbook) and the other relationship was 1.5 years. So there are a couple of pictures of him in our scrapbook. I told my girls they are just reminders of bad decisions. LOL! (we really did like both of the boys) But in all honesty, they don't mind too much. They know I'm a scrapbooker and that I'm going to document our life as it happens. And I did ask, with each page, if they minded if I put them in our scrapbook. I did choose not to put a lot of pictures of them in our scrapbooks. If I were to go back and make a special album or page of an event I would probably avoid pictures with them in them.
 
I'm wrestling with this question now because I do weekly pages and I'm a year and a half behind. Our son went out with one person for 3+ years, and they were both sure each other was "the one." She features very prominently in the 2020 book, and the start of the 2021 book, including "young love" and "you're my person" sort of couple-centered layouts. Sadly, he broke it off with her mid-2022 when I was about 1/4 of the way into scrapping 2021.

Now I have hundreds of snuggle photos of them from 2021 and 2022 that I haven't scrapped yet. I'm not keeping the young woman out of the remainder of 2021 and the first half of 2022. She was part of his life and thus ours; they were inseparable after she moved to our area for college and she lived with us 3-4 days a week. So, she'll be in the books in a casual "this is what we did this week" context, but there will be many photos left un-scrapped. No more lovey-dovey layouts about just the two of them.

Our son has a new relationship. I'm taking a few pictures of them together and she'll be casually in our weekly pages, but the dynamic is different and there are events where we see him without her attached. I won't be making any more "I love you forever" layouts about him and any person, until there's amore formal commitment.
 
I've had friends give this photo advice: When taking group photos, position the current boyfriend/girlfriend at one end of the group for easier photo cropping.

I personally have a stack of photos of my son with a girlfriend from high school that was a devastating breakup for him. It was many years before he found someone else, fell in love, and got married. At some point I will ask him about those older photos.
 
bonnenuit said:
I've had friends give this photo advice: When taking group photos, position the current boyfriend/girlfriend at one end of the group for easier photo cropping.
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Wish it was that easy. When my cousin's daughter got married last April, I asked for a family photo of them, the 2 daughters, sons-in-laws and 2 grandkids (8 people total). The wife's sister was added to the photo since she is like a 2nd mom to the girls. She was on the end extremely close to the next person but the background.... lots of little detail. Even with my digital capabilities, I couldn't get her out and have the photo look natural.
 
umyesh said:
I’m not there yet with my kids so thanks for letting me know how you all handle this! I think it would be fun to put all my old boyfriends on one scrap page together haha
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Haha that would be an awesome idea - I've done this with houses I've lived in too. Although I don't know that I have photos of all my ex boyfriends. Hubby might not like that either!
 
umyesh said:
I’m not there yet with my kids so thanks for letting me know how you all handle this! I think it would be fun to put all my old boyfriends on one scrap page together haha
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I made an paper album for my husband and yes, I put all the old girlfriends on one page together. I also dedicated one page to the girl he thought he was "in love" with before he figured out it was me. Now granted it was almost 20 or so years into our marriage before I did that.
 
Similar story by a friend. Her son and GF lived together for years. They decided to get married, but about a year later divorced. After that she was scrapping the photos from the wedding in her annual book. Since it was her album, she wanted to remember the event and the feelings around it, even though the current feelings were quite different. She limited the photos of the bride and mentioned in the journaling what happened later.
 
We have a lot of these in my family. There's 3 ex-wives, 3 ex-long term boyfriends, along with other relationships that have ended over the years. They are all on pages at some point because they happened. They were part of who made us who we are. One of the boyfriends is part of why my sister and I didn't talk for a long time, and that's an important part of our story.

I actually have many high school dance photos with old boyfriends, and I'm glad I kept them. Some I scrapped pre-breakup, others I scrapped post breakup. I didn't scrap many post breakup ones right away. Most were after I had a new boyfriend, or after I was married. That said, I find time is a great healer. I had a college roommate that was a really bad situation. It took a very long time for me to heal from that. But, I'm glad I have the photos, even though I haven't scrapped them yet, because she's in a lot of my college photos. I wouldn't have many left if I didn't scrap the ones with her in them. Now, I've also been known to cover peeps a bit with other photos, or elements if I don't want them to feature prominently, and it won't look weird.

For the dance above? I'd probably scrap a two page layout, with each side standing independently. One with her friends and the main journaling about the day. The other with the photo of her and date, and the ones he features prominently in. That side, I'd just add enough to have the basics about the page, including the names. Then set it aside. I don't know how you print, or how often, so that might change things a bit. But, perhaps in a few months or years, she'll be okay with the whole soiree, and not just the friend side. And if not? Easy to not include it for now, but still available if you/she do want it at a later date.


(obvi, there is some times that this wouldn't work or be healthy based on the relationship and breakup!)
 
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