saying goodbye | pad patter 8.28.18

[keepscrappin]

Last week we dropped our oldest daughter off at college and I cried. Yesterday we dropped our son off at college and while I didn't cry in front of him I couldn't believe how hard it was to drive away and leave him there. I don't know why it was so hard, because he's been gone for 2 years serving a LDS mission. I guess I've gotten used to having him home this last month. He's only an hour away at BYU and I can text him and see him. I couldn't do that when he was on his mission, but something's different. I think with the mission I knew he was coming home, but with college I don't think he'll ever move back home. He has a year lease on his apartment and a good job that's year round and will take him all through college.

I'm usually not a mussy person, but the last few years I've turned into a crybaby. I didn't cry when my kids went off to preschool or kindergarten. I think I was excited to have some me-time. In fact, I shouted for joy and sang it's the most wonderful time of the year. But now, I'm realizing that my kids are growing up too fast and there's nothing I can do to stop them.

It all hit hard yesterday with both of our older kids off at college and just our youngest DD at home. I can't believe I've got two young adults. The house feels so empty with only 1 kid home and I'll have to adjust to cooking for only 3 now. My hubby and I aren't ready to be empty nesters and we're sure glad we have a 6 year gap between our girls so we still have DD 12 at home. She keeps us young!

Last night I buried myself in housework and prepping for my job, so I couldn't think about missing my big kids.

So to get to the point of this patter, do you do well with goodbyes? Do you get emotional or do you hold it in and put on a tough face? Do you bury yourself in work? Inquiring minds want to know.

 

[BevG]

Ah.... We are down to just the "baby" at home (second son is at college). On Sunday we were driving around and Dad was talking to her about her plans (this is her senior year). She got upset when he started assuming that community college was her plan. Then he got upset when he realized his baby wanted to go to a college where she lived apart from us. Lots of tears all around. But all is well - now he is helping her find a school that can meet her needs. I sort of knew she was changing her plans, but dad did not.

Soon, it might just be him and me and the pets in the big ole house -- but they have already said that we can not sell it as they need a home to "come back" to.

 

[londoncuppa]

@BevG @keepscrappin I’ve been there with both of my daughters when they went off to college. It got easier for me, so I hope it gets easier for you both.

The funny thing is I now cry when I think of Addison being in Japan. She lives as far away from home as physically possible. She’ll be back in October, and I can’t wait. I haven’t seen her in a year.

Callan sent Jim and I a video of my grandson last night cooing (Bennett is 2 months old), and I cried for 10 minutes because I miss them (they live in Kansas City, and I’m in Texas). Thank goodness Harrison is only 14, so I have a few more years with him at home.

As parents, I think our hearts will always be missing a piece of ourselves when they’re away, but they know they’ll always have “home” to come back to.

 

[*gina*]

I really understand this. I only have one daughter and 12 years ago she followed her boyfriend in the US. At first we all thought only for one or two years... but no - they stayed. When I visit them it is always hard to go - never knowing when we will see us the next time (ok we can skype but it is not the same). And now I have two grandaughters so far away (the third one will arrive in a few days).

 

[carrie1977]

I haven't quite made it to having to say goodbye to my children...but I'm sure I'll be a big crybaby if/when the time comes.

 

[londoncuppa]

I really understand this. I only have one daughter and 12 years ago she followed her boyfriend in the US. At first we all thought only for one or two years... but no - they stayed. When I visit them it is always hard to go - never knowing when we will see us the next time (ok we can skype but it is not the same). And now I have two grandaughters so far away (the third one will arrive in a few days).

Big hugs, Gina. I know how gut-wrenching the distance is.

 

[gonewiththewind]

@keepscrappin @BevG @londoncuppa @*gina*

Hugs all around!

Yes, I do cry and often. I'm not ashamed. LOL In fact, sometimes I wish I were a bit more stoic, but oh well, this is the personality God gave me.

Olivia has been gone for three years at university, but the university is only 20-30 minutes away (depending on traffic) so we saw her frequently and she often came home for the weekends and for sure at holidays. Now, she is back for her final semester . . . she didn't want to sign a full lease at her apartment (her other three roommates were moving out) and then try to get someone to take over the lease when she graduates in December. So she came home in May and spent the summer going to the university for her internship and then stopping by her apartment to gradually move home. It's been an adjustment for all of us, because she is so used to her independence, and well, we had grown used to her not being here.

Daniel is 13 and he absolutely LOVES having his sister back home. It's delightful that they get along so well with each other, as I know from experience what a blessing siblings are.

It's so hard to let them go and then not let them go at the same time. I muddled through it somehow. I know the first year was the hardest, but it was the first semester that seemed unbearable since I went from knowing everything about her to knowing nothing. By the second semester I had started to adjust, but she was changing so much it was so awkward and strange so many times when she visited. So I definitely feel your pain!

 

[jk703]

I'm not there yet. BUT... I will be a mess. No doubt about it for me.

I'm not an overly open or emotional person and usually don't cry. It takes a lot - like I might get a lump in my throat during TV shows or movies, or a touching video or whatever, but rarely cry. When the boys leave, I will be a complete basket case. We are a pretty close knit family and I will be beside myself. I dread this. And... I will follow them, lol!

 

[Dalis]

Kayla,
I totally feel for you, my sister dropped her only daughter at college and I have gotten more calls from her since then than in my lifetime.
Bianca started middle school and this was a bit hard for me because I know she IS different to most girls her age. I am scared that mean kids will make it hard. Kindergarten was a BREEZE!

 

[navaja77]

I'm not there yet as my oldest is 13 but I'm not looking forward to that day. I know my son will go to college. His dream is to play college basketball so more that likely, he'll go off to a college further from home. My daughter, based off her personality, I could see her staying around awhile longer after HS. Time will tell.

My mom always told me it goes fast. She is an empty nester now and a widow since my dad passed 4 years ago. But she has my sister across the road so she has grandkids nearby.

 

[londoncuppa]

@keepscrappin @BevG @londoncuppa @*gina*

Hugs all around!

Yes, I do cry and often. I'm not ashamed. LOL In fact, sometimes I wish I were a bit more stoic, but oh well, this is the personality God gave me.

Olivia has been gone for three years at university, but the university is only 20-30 minutes away (depending on traffic) so we saw her frequently and she often came home for the weekends and for sure at holidays. Now, she is back for her final semester . . . she didn't want to sign a full lease at her apartment (her other three roommates were moving out) and then try to get someone to take over the lease when she graduates in December. So she came home in May and spent the summer going to the university for her internship and then stopping by her apartment to gradually move home. It's been an adjustment for all of us, because she is so used to her independence, and well, we had grown used to her not being here.

Daniel is 13 and he absolutely LOVES having his sister back home. It's delightful that they get along so well with each other, as I know from experience what a blessing siblings are.

It's so hard to let them go and then not let them go at the same time. I muddled through it somehow. I know the first year was the hardest, but it was the first semester that seemed unbearable since I went from knowing everything about her to knowing nothing. By the second semester I had started to adjust, but she was changing so much it was so awkward and strange so many times when she visited. So I definitely feel your pain!

Big hugs, Cheryl! You’re such an unbelievably sweet person, and crying is a necessity for moms...lol.

Our situation is so similar...we’re almost twinkies. When Addison returns from Japan, she’ll be living with us until she’s accepted to medical school (likely next July). She’s been on her own for the last 5 years between living in the dorms and her own apartment.

Harrison is beyond thrilled to have his sister back. He was almost 9 when she first left for college. I’m going to have to constantly remind her to not overshare and remember that he’s only 14.

Jim and I are going to have to adjust, and I’m having to give up my main scrap room (yes, I’m ashamed to say I have so much crafting stuff that I take up our entire bottom floor and a 3rd floor bedroom). I’ve been frantically trying to move furniture and rearrange. I’m NOT a purger (shudder...), so I MUST find a home for it all downstairs.

Adjustments for everyone coming to our household in October.

 

[jenn mccabe]

I'm usually not a mussy person, but the last few years I've turned into a crybaby. I didn't cry when my kids went off to preschool or kindergarten. I think I was excited to have some me-time. In fact, I shouted for joy and sang it's the most wonderful time of the year. But now, I'm realizing that my kids are growing up too fast and there's nothing I can do to stop them.

So to get to the point of this patter, do you do well with goodbyes? Do you get emotional or do you hold it in and put on a tough face? Do you bury yourself in work? Inquiring minds want to know.

Oh I don't know if you saw my novel of a post 2 weeks ago when my son went off to boot camp. I was in a complete fog and probably not even aware of how deep and personal my post was. But oh well! It was the worst day of my life. Since then there have been some scary calls home that were tense and I could hardly make out what he was saying but just knew something went wrong. They were yelling at him to hang up and I couldn't even ask what happened. He ended up in medical and now he's delayed a week and will graduate later than expected. They tell you nothing even when they call to tell you something. It's maddening. I live for his letters. He's completely off the grid. I have good days and bad days. And like you I try to find things to keep me busy so I don't cry as often or think about him so much - but truly he's always on my mind. I'm sorry you only got a short time with your boy after he came home from his mission. I feel your pain and hurt - I'm not ready to be an empty nester either. My baby goes off to college in a year. She's looking at school all the way in CA, TX and Chicago. Only 3 or 4 have caught her eye here on the east coast. And only 1 is a top choice. Gah!
I was just like you - thrilled to have them go to Pre school and Kinder and remember feeling guilty that I was happy while other moms were crying.

Some of his letters make me happy and feel good and then other times he'll write something and I'm a mushy mess. I just went out to run errands and I had watery eyes 3x in 2 hours. It's hard. I never know what little thought is going to release the cry trigger.

Funny story though. Every AM I get a USPS email from Informed Delivery. It lets me know what mail is coming - I only care about letters from my boy. Today I was due to get one. When we checked the mail box it wasn't there. My hubby chased her down and showed her our USPS email with a scan of his letter. She raced up and down the street and found our son's letter in someone else's mailbox. GRRR. She's always mixing up the mail - it drives me crazy. But OH NO - she's not messing with my recruit's letters home. She better straighten out her game - that's all I know. LOL Anyway I got a nice long letter from him and I'm so darn happy.

 

[Cherylndesigns]

I'm going to try to make everybody feel better and hopefully give you a little giggle. If you're lucky - they come back as adults. Our youngest dd lived with us until she was married, then she and her hubby lived with us for a year. Then she and her son (Asher) have lived with us twice and are currently back with us. It looks like this will be our new normal. She's going to start giving us she and Asher's share of their expenses next month if everything goes like it is now. They've been with us, this time, since last December.

Do you all feel better now???

 

[carrie1977]

Oh I don't know if you saw my novel of a post 2 weeks ago when my son went off to boot camp. I was in a complete fog and probably not even aware of how deep and personal my post was. But oh well! It was the worst day of my life. Since then there have been some scary calls home that were tense and I could hardly make out what he was saying but just knew something went wrong. They were yelling at him to hang up and I couldn't even ask what happened. He ended up in medical and now he's delayed a week and will graduate later than expected. They tell you nothing even when they call to tell you something. It's maddening. I live for his letters. He's completely off the grid. I have good days and bad days. And like you I try to find things to keep me busy so I don't cry as often or think about him so much - but truly he's always on my mind. I'm sorry you only got a short time with your boy after he came home from his mission. I feel your pain and hurt - I'm not ready to be an empty nester either. My baby goes off to college in a year. She's looking at school all the way in CA, TX and Chicago. Only 3 or 4 have caught her eye here on the east coast. And only 1 is a top choice. Gah!
I was just like you - thrilled to have them go to Pre school and Kinder and remember feeling guilty that I was happy while other moms were crying.

Some of his letters make me happy and feel good and then other times he'll write something and I'm a mushy mess. I just went out to run errands and I had watery eyes 3x in 2 hours. It's hard. I never know what little thought is going to release the cry trigger.

Funny story though. Every AM I get a USPS email from Informed Delivery. It lets me know what mail is coming - I only care about letters from my boy. Today I was due to get one. When we checked the mail box it wasn't there. My hubby chased her down and showed her our USPS email with a scan of his letter. She raced up and down the street and found our son's letter in someone else's mailbox. GRRR. She's always mixing up the mail - it drives me crazy. But OH NO - she's not messing with my recruit's letters home. She better straighten out her game - that's all I know. LOL Anyway I got a nice long letter from him and I'm so darn happy.

Oh, Jenn....you have been on my heart since your post a couple of weeks ago. Especially since we are seeing off my niece's boyfriend next week as he leaves for boot camp. Sending you so much love.

I'm going to try to make everybody feel better and hopefully give you a little giggle. If you're lucky - they come back as adults. Our youngest dd lived with us until she was married, then she and her hubby lived with us for a year. Then she and her son (Asher) have lived with us twice and are currently back with us. It looks like this will be our new normal. She's going to start giving us she and Asher's share of their expenses next month if everything goes like it is now. They've been with us, this time, since last December.

Do you all feel better now???

Haha! I am one of seven kids. One of my brothers has gone back and forth from living with my mom to being on his own. Right now he is on his own but who knows how long that will last. Also, my sister that is 34 has lived with my mom since she came back from college like 12 years ago. She's got it too easy with my mom to even think about moving out. I honestly don't think I could ever live with my mom again. She lived with us for a few months while she was waiting for the sale/purchase of a house to go thru...man, that was rough.

 

[jenn mccabe]

I'm going to try to make everybody feel better and hopefully give you a little giggle. If you're lucky - they come back as adults. Our youngest dd lived with us until she was married, then she and her hubby lived with us for a year. Then she and her son (Asher) have lived with us twice and are currently back with us. It looks like this will be our new normal. She's going to start giving us she and Asher's share of their expenses next month if everything goes like it is now. They've been with us, this time, since last December.

Do you all feel better now???

True - especially in today's world, it is rather hard for them to make it on their own right out of college (or whatever ave they take towards their future) with the price of homes/rent and if they have loans well that's a whole other issue. I can totally see my daughter coming back to live with us for awhile. My son ... I'm not sure about that one. Time will tell. Thanks for that Cheryl!

 

[jenn mccabe]

Thank you sweet @carrie1977 I wish your niece and her BF lots of strength to get through those months! Will hold them in my heart!

 

[Tree City]

Those adorable kittens I showed off 2 weeks ago? We just gave them back because apparently I'm allergic to cats. The kids were heartbroken when we told them (although they kind of understood because DS has had a mild allergy that his allergy meds can't help with, and DD's eyes have been bothering her). Anyway, I got teary-eyed when we said Goodbye tonight. While I know saying Goodbye to those adorable kitties was nothing compared to sending your children off to college or to basic training, or for their gap year abroad, or "just" saying Goodbye as they move for a job/marriage/etc, it was still tough--more difficult than I thought it would be. But, I'm okay with it now. Frankly, my sinuses are thanking me.

I'm okay with "See ya later" but actual, definite "Goodbyes" are hard. For me, as an adult "child" whose parents live in another part of the country, if travel to see them involves a plane or an overnight car drive, then it's far. DH has played with the idea of working overseas for a couple years (the company he works for has a lab in Europe; I keep telling him it'd be easier just to live there than to have him keep going back-and-forth last-minute, esp. since it's always when we've got a lot going on here). I'm more okay with the idea of moving overseas than he is: it'd expose our children to new cultures, which is always a good thing; I love the idea of living somewhere that I could be on a train and in a couple hours (or less!) be in another country; and we already see our family so infrequently that it's not like it'd be a total shock to be away from them. They aren't our babysitters. We can't stop by for coffee after church. They can't just show up to school activities. My dad still works, so even if we lived close, he's still working 40+ hours per week, so it's not like we'd all sit around all day gossiping lol (and they still wouldn't show up to school stuff cuz that's just how they are). We just try to make sure the kids have quality time with their grandparents, even if there isn't much "quantity."

My point is: distance is tough, for sure. But for me, keeping up family bonds when you're together, no matter the distance, is what's important.

 

[keepscrappin]

I really understand this. I only have one daughter and 12 years ago she followed her boyfriend in the US. At first we all thought only for one or two years... but no - they stayed. When I visit them it is always hard to go - never knowing when we will see us the next time (ok we can skype but it is not the same). And now I have two grandaughters so far away (the third one will arrive in a few days).

That would be so hard to have them so far away. And I agree that skype is NOT the same!

 

[keepscrappin]

@BevG @keepscrappin I’ve been there with both of my daughters when they went off to college. It got easier for me, so I hope it gets easier for you both.

The funny thing is I now cry when I think of Addison being in Japan. She lives as far away from home as physically possible. She’ll be back in October, and I can’t wait. I haven’t seen her in a year.

Callan sent Jim and I a video of my grandson last night cooing (Bennett is 2 months old), and I cried for 10 minutes because I miss them (they live in Kansas City, and I’m in Texas). Thank goodness Harrison is only 14, so I have a few more years with him at home.

As parents, I think our hearts will always be missing a piece of ourselves when they’re away, but they know they’ll always have “home” to come back to.

I thought Oregon was far away from Utah when Chase was on his mission, but Japan, that's hard. The time difference would make it really hard to even skype. BIG HUGS!

 

[carrie1977]

Thank you sweet @carrie1977 I wish your niece and her BF lots of strength to get through those months! Will hold them in my heart!

Thank you!

Those adorable kittens I showed off 2 weeks ago? We just gave them back because apparently I'm allergic to cats. The kids were heartbroken when we told them (although they kind of understood because DS has had a mild allergy that his allergy meds can't help with, and DD's eyes have been bothering her). Anyway, I got teary-eyed when we said Goodbye tonight. While I know saying Goodbye to those adorable kitties was nothing compared to sending your children off to college or to basic training, or for their gap year abroad, or "just" saying Goodbye as they move for a job/marriage/etc, it was still tough--more difficult than I thought it would be. But, I'm okay with it now. Frankly, my sinuses are thanking me.

I'm okay with "See ya later" but actual, definite "Goodbyes" are hard. For me, as an adult "child" whose parents live in another part of the country, if travel to see them involves a plane or an overnight car drive, then it's far. DH has played with the idea of working overseas for a couple years (the company he works for has a lab in Europe; I keep telling him it'd be easier just to live there than to have him keep going back-and-forth last-minute, esp. since it's always when we've got a lot going on here). I'm more okay with the idea of moving overseas than he is: it'd expose our children to new cultures, which is always a good thing; I love the idea of living somewhere that I could be on a train and in a couple hours (or less!) be in another country; and we already see our family so infrequently that it's not like it'd be a total shock to be away from them. They aren't our babysitters. We can't stop by for coffee after church. They can't just show up to school activities. My dad still works, so even if we lived close, he's still working 40+ hours per week, so it's not like we'd all sit around all day gossiping lol (and they still wouldn't show up to school stuff cuz that's just how they are). We just try to make sure the kids have quality time with their grandparents, even if there isn't much "quantity."

My point is: distance is tough, for sure. But for me, keeping up family bonds when you're together, no matter the distance, is what's important.

I'm so sorry it didn't work out with the kittens.