Rachel Jefferies Designs - Concerto:
https://the-lilypad.com/store/concerto-mixed-media-collection/
Journaling: July 8 2025 - Grief
I’ve experienced grief with my parents passing, my grandparents, aunts, uncles, family pets. But not in my wildest dreams did this compare to losing John. I sobbed for weeks, possibly months. I would wake up even earlier than my normal time, spent the early hours cleaning, and at sunrise, it gave me an excuse to work outdoors. I read that cleaning is part of grieving, it offers a sense of control when your entire world is spiraling. As I write this, it has been 826 brutal days - 2 years, 3 months, 4 days. But who is counting?
I am still grieving. That will never end. When someone has been an intimate part of your life for over 50 years, it is expected. And anyone who tells you differently has not experienced the loss of a great love.
Recently, I heard someone speak of grief using an analogy:
Think of grief as a stone in your pocket. At first it is heavy, you notice it, you touch it. It may brush up and scrape against your skin, causing you pain. You feel it. But as time goes by, it doesn’t seem quite as heavy. The stone is still there, but you have grown used to it. In a way, it comforts you.
I am still here. I maintain the 2 1/2 acres we own. I have done a bit of remodeling inside. I keep busy. That helps. My stone and I have come to an agreement. I can still grieve, but I can also live. 826 days has proved that.
I’ve included a photo of John’s first guitar here; he named it Tennessee. His parents purchased it for him when he was 10 years old. It sits proudly in the living room. Behind it, you can see a bit of an abstract painting done by John. I keep him & our memories alive.
