Style Challenge-September 2025-Lost Myself In Grief
- Description
- Hi Everyone...
*An artsy layout is just right for my style...I used the new! Lost! Blog Hop for DSD...I guess I should have known by the title of this collection...that it would hit closer to home than I thought it would...Well,it did...Feeling "Lost" is something I know a lot about...and there was a certain word art in this collection that really hit close to home and basically became the theme of the layout for me...It made me feel emotional actually...
* WA : "The worst feeling is the moment you realize you've lost yourself"
****Really personal info about my grief journey and health recovery***
*Well,that is exactly how my extreme grief made me feel...Lost for sure...but it took me a long time to figure out that it was so much more than just the loss of my husband...it was also the loss of me...losing my whole self identity...I did not know how to be without my sweet Ray...We were so attached to each other...that being all alone was something I never thought about...I know I should have I suppose,being that my husband was a bit older than me...but,I guess no one wants to think the person they love most and identify with the most in the world, will ever leave them,especially so suddenly...Not exactly something most people want to talk about or deal with...especially when you are dealing with an almost fatal accident and in a wheel chair and trying to focus and learn how to walk again and deal with my PTSD caused by my accident too...But when your husband is terminal and does not have much time left on this planet...you are forced to think about it sooner than you wanted to...I actually started grieving his loss before he died...When I knew he had only days to live...He was not the man I knew and remembered as my sweet Ray...I did not realize I was doing this consciously,but I figured this out a year later...go figure...No wonder I was so devastated...Either way,this layout is that theme but it is also about moving forward despite everything...I have come along way from those initial days when I thought I would never want to actually live again...but I do now...and,I also came to the realization that I don't want to be alone forever either...I do feel guilty thinking this sometimes...One of my closest friends said to me that Ray would not want you to grieve forever and eventually he would want you to be happy again...That is part of how I realized why I was so,truly unhappy...not just because I was by myself but because I was without a partner...I guess,I want a partner again...Not that I need one...The thought terrifies me,but it is how I genuinely feel,right now...Maybe my feelings will change...I thought I would want to stay alone...Go figure...turns out I don't want that...after all...despite everything...No one is more surprised than me...But it is so hard to meet good people who want that too...I may not even be ready for what that entails yet...Story to be continued...
*Credits Include : *Lost : Lilypad DSD 2025 : Free Blog Hop Collab
**1 Photo [used twice} : courtesy of : Hansuan_Fabredas from Pixabay