Stacked Tree
KarenT, Jan 10, 2020
January 10, 2020. Each new year brings with it challenges, tests, things to overcome, things to learn from, experiences that are tough but that will make me see parts of me that I haven't noticed for a while, if ever. God has brought me to this place and time in my life, and he will bring me through it. It is only by his grace that I am here, and by his grace that I live the life I do. This year will be a tempering of my soul, focusing me back on God's will for me in this new time in my life and our life as a family. I struggle every day with relationships that I no longer am a part of, family that I no longer communicate with, and the shame and guilt I feel because I was the one who chose to break off communication. I long for restoration of those broken relationships, but that can only come when I have grown and the others concerned have grown, too. I realize that that day may not ever come, and that makes me sad, but I know that it's for the best because I have already grown so much in different ways than I would've if things hadn't turned out the way they did. My counselors over the years have told me to look for the gold in the experiences I've been through. What are the lessons? What are the things that bring me joy from that experience, relationship, memory, that I would not have known otherwise? That is what I need to focus on. Some days are harder than others. Some days I can only see the scars. Other days, I can see the light shining through, illuminating the beauty that is my brokenness, because it is through being broken that God can put the pieces together again in a way that makes sense and restore me in him. I can not do this alone. I must trust God, trust that he knows what he is doing, and let go of what I thought things would be like. That's the only way that I'll see how things can truly be. God has better things in store for me, for us, for the world. I just have to let him steer me to where he wants me to go, and follow his lead. He has placed me in solid relationships with my family of choice: my husband, sister, brother-in-law, nephew, niece, my uncle, and others. Things are still rocky between me and my dad, but they will always be. Things are broken between me and almost all members of my mom's family, except for Nancy & Jana. Things may be getting better though, now that Dana has reached out and invited us to her wedding. I'm looking forward to seeing extended family again, even if it means dealing with those people who caused me pain in the past. I'm learning each day to process more and more of what happened, learning to accept the past and take what I can from it to rebuild my present and future.

I used a paper from “Butterfly Bits 1” by Little Butterfly Wings, paint & an element from “All About Me” by Little Butterfly Wings, word art from “All About Me” by Bella Gypsy, a paper from “All About Me” by Grace in Color, an element from “All About Me” by Rachel Jefferies, scatter from “Minutes to Midnight” by Kristin Aagard, and a border from “INSD Doodled Borders” by Just Jaimee.
LynnG likes this.
    • bellbird
      love the empowering messages within your tree and thank you for sharing your story, i hope the wedding goes well and like your tree, you can continue to live and grow in the right direction :)
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    Month of Challenges 8
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