*** More Conversation About my Grief & Loss : and also Anxiety & Depression : Another Layout I Created As A Form Of Personal Therapy*** [Stop!!!...here if you find this difficult to read...]
I'm not really doing the regular monthly challenges this month...Or any months lately...My life has been a series of more downs than ups this past year...2 near fatal hospital stays...And still trying to heal from my broken neck & arm...& now permanent pain & neuropathy in my legs & feet...And then suddenly my Beloved Husband Ray...[we were together for almost 26 years ]...had a bad fall & I had to call the ambulance for him...That was just back in June...He spent 9 days in the hospital...& passed away...from an undiagnosed...throat cancer that had spread to his brain... Stage 4 Brain Cancer...I spent each day there in a wheel chair...with my Dad!...Every moment counted...every hand holding,every word...every hug...everything...I am still in shock from my loss...I can't get my head wrapped around how my Beloved Ray,who was a true light in this world to me & to everyone who knew him...How did he get terminal cancer? and pass away in just 9 days?...I'm devastated...
I have struggled with depression & anxiety as related to my chronic pain from my other chronic pain & health issues...for so many years now...I thought I had been through some tough times in my life...our lives...My Ray was always there for me...& everyone else...He nursed me back to the health that I'm in today...I wouldn't be here if it wasn't for his love & care...& then he got sick...& then suddenly...he was gone...My life is pretty much a chaotic! mess!...I have nurses taking care of me & doctors...So depressed...that I am now back on anti-anxiety & depression meds again...My days are filled with crying,pain...& sadness...Each day is a constant struggle...Everything is hard & difficult to do...
I decided to start trying to scrap again as a form of therapy...So I have created a series of grief related layouts in my gallery...This layout is no different...It is about how I am questioning...about how I am supposed to deal with all of my sadness & grief?...And if I will ever feel better again?...The original layout that I am scraplifting...is also ironically about questioning & asking why?...My computer had crashed & I was devastated by this...I lost everything on my hard drive...Suppose I was channeling my feelings of that loss & my various health related issues at the time...This layout was scrapped back in 2019...before I knew how to shadow properly,layer & use blend modes...At the time I thought it was a pretty good layout...But I digress...FYI...By the way...I have also learned that it is not a good idea to go through your gallery when you are grieving & seriously depressed...It was a very bad idea...
Thanks! to everyone who read this & for your support during this very difficult time for me...
*Here's the link to my Original layout : Created back in 2019 for a Template Challenge : that I Scraplifted for this Challenge : Called Seeking :
https://the-lilypad.com/forum/galleries/template-challenge-may-lynn-grieveson-seeking.396722/
Credits for my layout : are as follows :
*Winds Of Change Kit : Lynn Grieveson
*M3 : April 2020 : Coordinating pieces to Winds Of Change : This Storm Shall Pass [Retired]
*Bittersweet Collection : Lynn Grieveson
*One Day At A Time Collection : Lynn Grieveson
*Carefully Curated : This Is Me : The Complete Mixed Media Collection : Rachel Jefferies [ blue beads [recolored] & question marks ]
*Broken Photo : Templates : No.5 : Scrapping With Liz
*red broken hearts : courtesy of : Savanas Design : Pixabay
*fonts I used For My Journaling : Pikolo Block Alt Free : Paint Drops Regular : Pinkmatte Regular
*photo : me : taken in June 2023
