Rachel & Lynn's Hear My Voice Mixed Media Challenge 11-May 2025-Renewal Of Spirit

Funny...I had just created a layout about renewing...not that long ago...But my journey has changed yet again since then...My struggles are definitely real...but the idea of renewing seems like a universal theme,really...We must constantly renew to grow,to learn,to be happy...to succeed...etc...I definitely have come a long way in the 2 years since my beloved Ray has passed away...It will be 2 years on June 9th...I find it hard to believe that 2 years has gone by so fast...But I guess that happens a bit as we get older,I think and when you are struggling with health issues and personal issues...time really does seem to go by faster than you realize...Days just seem to blur into days and then weeks and then before you know it,months has passed...but in my heart there are days when it feels like just yesterday,I was there in a wheel chair holding his hand in the hospital where he passed away...It evokes sad memories of course,but it also evokes personal growth in me...There was a time when I could not talk about those terrible times without crying endlessly...but I have grown in my acceptance and understanding of myself,that I can talk about it now & not react as badly as I once did...I still cry sometimes,but not like I did & it feels different now...I did not believe anyone when they told me that I would someday arrive here in my grief process...But,it took almost 2 years to be able to believe in myself again...I mean to believe that I deserve happiness again and that it is O.K. to remember and not feel guilty that I don't want to or need to cry as much as I used to and that it is OK that I want/need...to find some new kind of happiness for myself for my own mental health and future well being...I felt extremely guilty about his death...and thought I deserved to be unhappy...But,with a lot of help and soul searching,I have come to realize,that he would not have wanted me to be sad forever,knowing how that would take a terrible toll on me...In his life,he wanted nothing but happiness for me and for us...and for everyone he knew and cared about...So,I am in search of my own happiness again...It is much different now without him...I may be moving at a "turtle's" pace...but I do believe...I am moving in the right direction...

*Credits Include : Hear My Voice : 19 Renewing / 03 Healing / 04 Learning / 14 Aspiring / 06 Remembering / 02 Hurting : Rachel Jefferies and Lynn Grieveson [some items were recolored by me]
*Hear My Voice 19 Renewing : Template : 12 x 12 : No.2 [reworked by me]
*Fonts : Peekpok Regular / Old Typewriter Regular
*Photo : Me