mothersday - (might be triggering)

Mother’s day.

So many things I think of. We question what we are doing, what we have done and the choices we have made. Will they make a difference or will they haunt us as our failures. I know many women. Some who bare the life of being childless that they did not know the fullness of that decision when they made it. They’ve tried to be a mother to the motherless but it’s not the same and it’s full of its own disappointments. They’ve tried to be the best “step” mom to his children but that is not the same. “Be fruitful and multiple” on Mother’s day is a pain deep in the heart. Maybe it’s eased over the years but it never goes away. And then there are mothers whose children will not talk to them. Something went wrong and their significant other is telling them it’s their mom’s fault. And some other who on Mother’s day would give anything to have their mom with them as she’s gone. The big C or something like that. And divorce. It is it’s own painful tragic highway drive of sharp curves, washed out roads, signs that no longer warn of disaster around the corner. So much changes children. We just want to hold them. Tell them it will be okay. Tell them “I’m sorry” and I didn’t know I hurt you. Tell them of our failures that we desperately tried to overcome but somehow passed them down from the generation before. Mother’s day. Feeling eyes upon you, judging. From afar. The pain, the blessing, the honor of bringing life into this world. Honor your father and mother so that your days may go well upon the earth. A promise. We failed at times. I failed at times but I desperately loved you every moment of your life.