MOCDay10-Photos+Words

MOC 2023 - Day 10 - Words + Photos
Journaling - Last year started hard and ended hard but for different reasons. That's just how life goes sometimes. Looking back, the worst thing was George passing last February on the sixth anniversary of Jo Ann's death. It was hard. Because of Covid, Benjamin and I hadn't seen Grandpa George in person since the very beginning of 2020. Then the nursing home locked down and there were no visits. When George fell, Todd was able to visit him in the hospital and later in rehab. Once George was listed as a hospice patient after his second fall at the end of 2020, Todd was able to visit him at the nursing home after two Covid tests when he arrived.

Todd would FaceTime us when he visited his dad if George was having a good day. In the beginning, it was a 50/50 chance but those video chats became fewer and shorter. George would forget who I was. He would forget Benjamin. He forgot that Jo Ann had died and would ask why she hadn't visited with Todd. Todd would tell him that she was sick and would come next time. A lie but better than George rehashing his grief.

George died on a Saturday. Todd had visited him that morning, gone out for lunch and returned to the nursing home after George had been fed and spent the afternoon with him. Around 6 or so that evening, Todd got home and I started making dinner when his phone rang. It was the nursing home. George had died a few minutes earlier. Todd gave us hugs and made the hour drive back to the nursing home so he could be with his dad one last time.

I never really got to say good bye to George. He didn't want a service. His friends had already died or relocated to be closer to their children. Todd went through a huge amount of guilt. If he had stayed later that afternoon, he might have been with his dad when he passed. If he had just done something a little different things might be different. I went through the same things when my dad died almost 20 years ago. There's also the guilt from it being over and for being happy that it's over. The frustrations and pain and just everything that goes with end stages of life. Guilt that we didn't move his dad to a closer nursing home... that would have cost $3K or $4K more than what we paid near where he use to live. We were trying to make his money last to pay for his care. We didn't know how long he had. Sad. Happy. Happy. Sad. It's a weird mix that comes and goes.

We told Benjamin about Grandpa right away and his only response was that Cricket was sad because her friend died. He brings up Grandpa George when he sees his picture and will talk about riding the Nut Tree train when we would visit him back before Covid.

As Todd is an only child and the executor, he had to deal with all the last bills and sorting thru stuff. We had sold the house and his truck for George when he went into the nursing home so it was easier than it might have been if George had still be living at home.

Onward and onward. In the Spring, Benjamin was finally diagnosed with Autism, which meant that he could receive services thru our insurance in addition to the ones he was already receiving at school. That entire process was again compounded by Covid in 2021 – like everything else in the world. His first round of assessments were on Zoom. He does really well on Zoom so those ones said he didn't have Autism. The review from our insurance noted issues at school and his meeting the criteria for Autism at school so we were told to get him a therapist and see what they thought over a longer period of time. More waiting. Finally in the beginning of 2022, we could have him re-assessed in person and that assessor agreed with his therapist that he did have Autism.

We were assigned a provider for Autism services and put on a waiting list. We got a service coordinator after about two months of waiting. They were consolidated and had a reorganization so we were put back on the waiting list while that was all figured out.

Finally, in July, we had another round of waiting and disappointments. Nothing was in person still. Which sucks. Benjamin really needs the one-on-one in-person occupational therapy, but we took what was offered rather than wait longer. The actual therapist was still in training so we had a month or so of sessions with the overall supervisor to get ready and for Benjamin to finish some more assessments for their records.

Luckily, this has worked out. Benjamin loves his occupational therapist and has no issues with chatting with her on Zoom once a week. He would probably get more out of in-person but that's not an option right now. It sucks but there it is. Progress.

After more waiting, we were able to also get him in a Social Skills Group thru the same provider for kids his age with Autism. Again it's on Zoom but he's showing some improvement with his social issues and generally participates without too many issues. Again progress. Not what we were hoping for but still moving forward. Slowly forward.

For my family, my mom finally sold our family home over the summer. She'd bought an RV because she and a friend were going to drive across country. The friend baled. Another friend wanted to go but changed her mind as well. Mom did a practice run with the RV on her own and couldn't handle it all on her own with her bad leg and breathing issues. So, she sold it and bought a car and drove across the country from PA. She stopped in a bunch of places and before hitting some snowstorms in Yellowstone.

She decided to just come stay with us in California earlier than planned. She had originally planned on coming in the beginning of December, but arrived a month earlier. It was great. Benjamin was so excited that Mom Mom had come and I don't think he's talked so much in a long time.

We had a great time. Until I got sick in the beginning of December. It wasn't Covid. It was the worst head cold I have ever had. It sucked. I spent almost two full weeks sitting on the couch. Luckily, no one else got it. Not sure how but we were lucky. Three or four days, after I recovered, Todd texted me a picture of a positive Covid test while Mom and I had gone out to do errands. He retested an hour later. Still positive.

Mom moved to hotel because she can't get Covid again. Two days later, I tested positive. We kept Benjamin home the last week of school before the holiday break. Would Melissa (my sister) and Maddie (my niece) still be able to come out for Christmas? Then a storm was suppose to come in the day they were scheduled to leave????? Luck for us, Benjamin and my Mom never caught it from us. It was the worst sore throat of my life. Maybe 36 hours of a terrible sore throat and then I was fine. Todd was jealous but better a day or so after me. Where did December go? My favorite time of the year gone. Ugh. That sucked but it wasn't a huge deal. I'm still bummed about it and that's ok.

We had lots of fun with my family. We did the Glowfari lights at the Oakland Zoo, we toured the Winchester Mystery House, we did shopping and played cards while eating bad for us snacks and roasting each other. Benjamin and Maddie would sit next to each other on the couch and play on their devices randoming booping each other to get a reaction. It was fun. Then Melissa and Maddie left. Mom left on Friday (Jan. 6) for her return trip to PA. It was hard. It was a different type of hard than the beginning of 2022. It's still hard. I miss my mom. It's nice having her here... even when we disagree on things and Benjamin adores her. He told her she had to send him messages and calls because he would miss her.

I'm not sure when we'll be seeing my family again. I still haven't seen my brother or my other sister since 2019. I've never met my sister Amy's son Julian. He'll be 5 next month. It is what it is. We hope for the best and we make do with what we can do. Video chats and phone calls and sending each other boxes of stuff is it for now. Not sure when we'll be ready to try flying again. Benjamin doesn't want to stay in hotels right now. We need to work on that. We're talking about trying a hotel nearby that wouldn't be as long of a day as Disneyland or going to see Mom Mom. He's thinking about it.

Benjamin returned to school this morning after a very long Christmas break. We're hoping that his adjustment back isn't too rough. We did the best we could to prepare him for the return to the school routine. He's not sure he wants to go back... except he loves Rainbow Room so he has that to look forward to on Thursday.

I don't know what is going to happen this month let alone what to expect from the year. I'm not sure I even want to think too much about it. We can only keep moving forward and doing the best we can. I'm not going to worry too much about the future right now and just focus on the little day to day moments that I can enjoy. Who knows? Tomorrow I might be thinking something entirely different and that's okay too.

Elements and Papers - The Wonder in Everything, Don't Quit (Collaboration)
Style - Shadows (Mommyish)
Action - Twisted Action (P Kesselring)