amandac

MOC11 January 14: Journaling as Therapy

MOC11 January 14: Journaling as Therapy
amandac, Jan 20, 2023
Description:
I thought that this challenge would be harder than it turned out .. seems like I had something to get off my chest after all. Thanks for the cathartic challenge :)
Journaling:
When I was younger, I used to wonder why my dad always wanted more than he had. More attention, more money, more success, just more everything really. He was never satisfied with his life, and he was always searching for something that he didn’t seem to find with us.

When I was younger, I used to worry that it was because I wasn’t the perfect daughter, the perfect child, even though I tried so hard.

When I was younger, dad left and never came back and I used to wonder, how? How can you just walk away from your kids and not look back? Didn’t I love you enough to make you stay? Didn’t you love ME enough to stay?

When I was younger, I worried, and wondered, and questioned and honestly gave up way too much headspace to these questions.

Now I am older, I realise that you can’t make people love you, and you can’t make them stay if they want to go. Now I am older, I know that some people will never be happy with their life and nothing anyone does will make any difference.

Now that I am older, I also know that I cannot forgive someone who could walk away from their kids to start another family across the sea and never look back.

Now that I am older, I can accept that inability to forgive him is who I am and I don’t feel guilty for not giving him that and I am at peace because I am not that person, and I never could have been.
Credits:
Do it for you: Bundle by Rachel Jefferies & Little Butterfly Wings
    • mocamom
      Wow!! I am so beyond happy that you realize none of his issues are yours. Seriously. I'm also crazy thankful that you took the time to write these thoughts down and I hope that it was a cathartic experience! Please keep this layout so that when you feel guilty or stressed or anything other than positive, you can look at it and say, "Nope. Not Today. Today I know I cannot control how he acted, but I can control how I react!" You are a strong person and I'm glad you decided to participate and complete this challenge!!
      Jan 22, 2023
      amandac likes this.
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  • Category:
    Month of Challenges 11 - Coming Home
    Uploaded By:
    amandac
    Date:
    Jan 20, 2023
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