using:
do it anyway collection | bella gypsy
https://the-lilypad.com/store/Do-It-Anyway-Collection.html
journaling:
Growing up my aunts, uncles and cousins would always tease me about my size. They often called me “big” girl or told me I was “chunky”. I don’t think it was meant to purposefully be mean, but it has stuck with me my whole life.
In every phase of my life since childhood I have looked in the mirror and beat myself up about being larger than the girls & women around me. I have covered my body, I’ve refused to wear tighter fittings clothing, I’ve stayed away from anything lowcut or revealing, I even remember one summer refusing to wear shorts because my legs were “too” big. This also caused some unhealthy attachments to foods I’m certain.
Now that I’m actually what’s considered overweight I would kill to be able to go back in time and try to gain the exercise habits and healthy food attachments that I so desperately need today. It’s been a struggle with my weight since my early 20’s and every year seems to get a little harder. Add in the stressors that come with life and this battle becomes almost insurmountable. Over the years I’ve tamed most of my food attachments and eat pretty healthy, but that dreaded ‘E’ word exercise (shhh) is something I struggle with daily.
What’s sad is that now as maturely aged woman I can look back at all of my photos from childhood, adolescence and young adulthood and clearly see that I was far from being “big” or “chunky” …in fact, I was probably well within a normal range for my age and height at any given time back then.
It’s been years since I’ve taken (or let anyone else take) a full body photo of myself. But in 2022 two of my designer friends lost their husbands. This caused me to examine that rule. For Christmas 2022 I bought matching pajamas for our family and we took a photo. One where you can see my full body. Embracing my whole self is not easy for me but it is necessary.
So, I’ve learned to give myself grace while continuing to work on my mental and emotional health just as much my physical health. I’m finding ways to stay motivated and even learning to see the non-scale victories as wins too. I only wish I could have given this knowledge to my younger self.
