For The Lilypad's MOC 8 - Day 17 Journaling on Hindsite is 2020
I have 385 words
"i’ve wanted to be a mom my whole life. and i don’t say that with any bit of exaggeration. my whole life. when my baby sister was born i was only 17 months old, but she was “ my baby” from the start. i’d always loved kids & that was solidified even more when my twin cousins were born when i was 13. any free weekend i went to watch them or had them come to my house. i did whatever i could for them at whatever age i was at the time. and i just wanted to be a mom. in all honesty i never thought i would. i wasn’t putting myself out in the world enough to give relationships a real go. lots of self-esteem and loathing issues on my part. doubts. just a real negative self image. but i was there, no matter what, for my cousins through all their stages and events. i see now that the timing just wouldn’t have been
right. i was needed. i couldn’t have been there for my cousins as often as they needed if things were different. and times were completely rough for them. i needed that flexibility in my schedule to just get up and go. but it was still hard to watch years tick by and think that i wouldn’t have more. again i see now that the timing wasn’t right. i wasn’t ready.
hindsight is 20/20. and i see now i needed more patience. my time is now. i was needed elsewhere before. i’m able to focus more on me now. patience. my timing was different, but that didn’t mean it was an impossibility... or in other words, " god's timing is perfect. Waiting is hard, but it's worth it. breathe and let go of the need to know how everything goes. god gets no glory from your need to control this. give it to god & watch fresh winds blow."
hindsight really is 20/20. “ it's easy to know the right thing to do after something has happened, but it's hard to predict the future.” yes i wish i
could have seen the future to see how perfect the timing really is for me at this place in my life. for now, i’m just embracing every bit of being a mom!"
Credits:
"Build Templates - Kindness Lab" by The Committed Crafter
https://the-lilypad.com/store/Build-Templates-Kindness-Lab-PU.html
