Advice

Little Butterfly Wings and Pink Reptile Designs: Lean on Me
Little Butterfly Wings: Advice for My Younger Self, All About Me
Sara Gleason: Sweet Petals No 6
Sahlin Studios: Ephemera Stacks
Heather Joyce The Reed


My darling Binks, recently you have been going through a very hard time. A friend you thought was your best friend for years told you that she no longer wanted to hang out with you because you were not “popular enough for her.” This has broken your heart into a million pieces and being your mommy I am just as heartbroken because my baby girl is hurting.
I believe there are two kinds of people in this world :
1. People who are wary at first and then slowly, over time trust another person.
2. People who trust immediately, blindly, fully and then have their hearts broken when that trust is broken.
You and me, we are in that second group. So we go through life with our hearts wide open, believing people to be good till proven otherwise. For me, over time, people have chipped away at that blind trust. Each ding to the heart was not without pain and so I am so sad that you might have to experience that as well. Even as a little toddler, if someone said they were going to visit us or call you and then they forgot, you would get so very upset. And now as a 12 year old, its bigger things like friends not being friend-like that fills your heart with sadness. I understand. You trusted them fully to be a good friend instead of waiting and seeing what kind of person they were before giving them your heart and friendship.
I want to talk to you about success and popularity. They seem to be the currencies of our time and in the coming years you will face the choice of doing the right thing or doing what is popular, and too often these two things are not in alignment with one another. I hope you always choose to do the right thing.
You ask me how you will know what is the right thing to do. My answer is always the same : slow down and listen to your breath, listen to your heart. When you slow down, the right choice becomes clear. Very few decisions cannot wait a minute, an hour or a night’s sleep. Take your time. Always err on the side of friendship and family but make sure you are able to recognize who is well meaning and who just wants their needs to be met.
I know you feel all kinds of delight when the boys call you ‘cute’. I am pretty sure popularity is something you will seek and that makes me worry about the decisions you will make as you get older. I know you can’t help it if they call you cute and pretty, and you are those things but you are more than those things. Much much more. You are kind. You are caring. You are loving. You are a good friend.
Popularity and success mean nothing if you do not live your life in truth. We are just given this one precious life. And as we have seen with our own family, all too soon many of us reach the end and have to grapple with wondering if our life meant anything. I know we won’t measure our life by our financial success or our popularity with our peers. So what do we measure our life in? I think we measure it by the people in our lives, the connections and memories and time spent together. We measure it in love.
Don’t compare your path to that of another person. We have no idea the journey that other people went on to get to where they are now. Comparing is just a recipe for unhappiness. Someone will always have more success and be more popular. So what? Live your life with integrity and garner respect because of experience. There really are no shortcuts so don’t let anyone tell you otherwise.
Pretty is as pretty does my love. And I know you have the heart and the courage to be beautiful.
There will be dings along the way sweetheart and I just want you to know this, that when it happens, I am here. No judgement. Just a soft place to fall, hugs, cups of cocoa and a listening ear if you want to talk.
The hardest thing about being a mama is seeing your child get hurt. I would take a million heartbreaks to spare you even one. But that is not how life unfolds. Live and love with your heart wide open, take risks and don’t be afraid of failure.
Love you…You are my everything.