CHANGES
- Description
- My sample for this months STYLE CHALLENGE. I think in the end I used about 7 different Autumn Patterned papers. My journaling might be a bit confronting for some but I thought it was a perfect example of a new season in my life.
CHANGES MINI KIT | by Designed by Soco
I WANDER KIT | by Lynn Grieveson Designs
ON THE EDGE V.2 | by The Nifty Pixel
We have been through so much over the past couple of years. Getting a cancer diagnosis is fraught with all kinds of concerns that you normally wouldn’t consider. But when you lose a large part of yourself to the perils of the fight you have to learn a whole new way of life. You see yourself differently in some ways not whole anymore. People say but you survived you got a great outcome and they are right oh for sure they are right, but it takes time to adjust to the new version of yourself. You are missing parts and sure these aren’t what make you a whole person, or define you as a woman but when they are gone you realise that you’ve lost a piece of you. I struggled with self identity after my surgeries. So much was taken and that was wrapped up in a huge sense of grief, loss & exhaustion. Often you feel like it might not be fair to your partner. You go to those dark places and it is painful. Slowly but gently I embraced my body and the changes cancer caused. I embraced the joy of being here still and am excited for the future and all the new beginnings I’ll get to experience. Please don’t ever think I’m not grateful for where I’m at, who I am now and what I conquered. I fought hard to be here, I willed that cancer to go away through positivity and I put blind faith into my doctors and teams of amazing people to give me a chance at seeing my boy grow up. But there are other things that crop up that take time and lots of healing not just physically but mentally and emotionally too. I miss my other physical self prior to my diagnosis, but I’m embracing this new me. Slowly and gently I go. I spoke recently to a friend who asked how the new boobies are going, and I realised that many people probably think I now have a newer better version but its not an augmentation it is reconstructive surgery and they are two very very different things. Its not what I expected either so I’m not surprised that there is a misconception out there. I am so grateful for that conversation though because it reminded me of what I have achieved & that the perfect set is not what defines me even though I was grieving the less than desirable outcome of my reconstructive surgery. I realised that I really like this new me, this different me. I’m actually okay with my scars because they remind me of my strength and tenacity & most importantly they have afforded me the chance to see & live tomorrow and many more tomorrows to come.
