2020_hindsight Moc17

2020_hindsight Moc17
amien1, Jan 17, 2020
KIT: To the Moon & Back by Mommyish:

TEMPLATE: Artsy journal Templates 22 by Scrapping With Liz

Journaling: We have always wanted 2 children. Early in our dating years, we discussed what our future family would look like. Jeremy is an only child, but I grew up with siblings, so we compromised at 2. When we had decided we were ready to start our family, it didn’t come as easy as we had hoped. Thankfully, almost a full year of trying, we got pregnant. I had a perfect pregnancy & birth- welcoming our beautiful, perfect daughter, Hayden into our lives! Just shy of two years later, I discovered I was pregnant. Joyful, except for the fact that I had an IUD. I instantly went to the doctor for tests & scans- to discover my IUD was nowhere to be found. The when or how I managed to lose it is still a mystery to me. Regardless, we figured this was God’s plan & we were overjoyed. At our first ultrasound check- we were at 10 weeks- our baby had no heartbeat. Our baby had died around 8 weeks for reasons no one understands. I had what is called a Missed Miscarriage. Our baby had died, but my body refused to let go. My heart completely understood. I refused to have a D&C- seemed wrong to me, and took the medication that would induce a miscarriage at home. Looking back, just doing the D&C would have saved a lot of heartache. Week after week I went into have my blood drawn as my hormone levels were refusing to drop like they should. I miscarried in January of 2010, but it wasn't until three months later that my hcg levels were gone. Every week I visited the lab for blood draws were a reminder of what we had lost. As my body started to heal, we discussed waiting to try again to give our hearts a chance to heal as well. Literally the very next day after deciding to go back on birth control, I discovered we were pregnant again. I had had what I thought was a normal cycle, so I was beyond concerned about this pregnancy given what we had just gone through. After close monitoring & listening to his heartbeat as often as I could- we welcomed our son, Declan, into our family. I look back occasionally & remember the due date of my miscarried baby & wonder what he or she would have looked like, what we would have named him/her and what we’ve missed out on. However, I am thankful for that baby & know that everything was in God’s plan, since without loosing that baby, we never would have had our Declan. Our sweet, silly, sensitive boy. We only wanted 2 children, so we would not have been given the joy of this sweet boy. Hindsight is 20/20. I cannot imagine a world where I am not his mother!
winnieb1029 likes this.
    • Sokee
      Beautifully written journaling! I’ve had 2 miscarriages myself and know the feelings of the baby that you have after, knowing that they would not be in your arms if you had the other baby.....
      Your baby is beautiful!
      I love your thick scatter of elements at the top and down the sides.
      amien1 likes this.
    • cinderella
      I lost my first baby on the same week. I still can't think of it without shedding a tear...
      Thanks for sharing your story. I hope journaling about it has been therapeutic for you.
      Scrapping-wise, your page is really beautiful! I love how your newest pages look like real paper.
      amien1 likes this.
    • cfile
      Oh how beautiful Amie and I am so sorry about your miscarraige, but so glad you have your Declan. (I am the rainbow baby after my Mom had a stillborn the day after her BD... it was a little boy, and every year on his BD, I think about my other brother and thank him, as I would not have been here otherwise, so I completely understand.) Beautiful scrapping of a painful time, but knowing you have your beautiful Declan and beautiful family, I am so happy for you. I love the way you scrapped this and I absolutely love the photo of you and Declan when he was born and the blue tint to the photo.. absolutely beautiful!
      amien1 likes this.
    • EHStudios
      This is such beautiful journaling Amie and I hope was therapeutic for you. I love that had the strength to go through all you did & come back so strong. He's a lucky boy to have you as his momma! I adore this page!
      amien1 likes this.
    • LoveItScrapIt
      This is beautifully expressed I'm sorry for your loss, but I am glad that you are able to journal about your experience. Lovely page as well.
      amien1 likes this.
    • Karen
      Congratulations! Your wonderful layout has been spotlighted on The Lilypad Blog today for my 2nd MOC Spotlight post! :byay:cheer:goldstars
      amien1 likes this.
    • Aussiegirl
      Beautiful heartfelt journaling! I also miscarried, and shortly after ended up pregnant with our 3rd! So thankful for the family God has given you! Love the photo you included and all the scattered confetti! So pretty!
      amien1 likes this.
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    Month of Challenges 8
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