KIT: To the Moon & Back by Mommyish:
https://the-lilypad.com/store/To-The-Moon-and-Back-Bundle.html
TEMPLATE: Artsy journal Templates 22 by Scrapping With Liz
Journaling: We have always wanted 2 children. Early in our dating years, we discussed what our future family would look like. Jeremy is an only child, but I grew up with siblings, so we compromised at 2. When we had decided we were ready to start our family, it didn’t come as easy as we had hoped. Thankfully, almost a full year of trying, we got pregnant. I had a perfect pregnancy & birth- welcoming our beautiful, perfect daughter, Hayden into our lives! Just shy of two years later, I discovered I was pregnant. Joyful, except for the fact that I had an IUD. I instantly went to the doctor for tests & scans- to discover my IUD was nowhere to be found. The when or how I managed to lose it is still a mystery to me. Regardless, we figured this was God’s plan & we were overjoyed. At our first ultrasound check- we were at 10 weeks- our baby had no heartbeat. Our baby had died around 8 weeks for reasons no one understands. I had what is called a Missed Miscarriage. Our baby had died, but my body refused to let go. My heart completely understood. I refused to have a D&C- seemed wrong to me, and took the medication that would induce a miscarriage at home. Looking back, just doing the D&C would have saved a lot of heartache. Week after week I went into have my blood drawn as my hormone levels were refusing to drop like they should. I miscarried in January of 2010, but it wasn't until three months later that my hcg levels were gone. Every week I visited the lab for blood draws were a reminder of what we had lost. As my body started to heal, we discussed waiting to try again to give our hearts a chance to heal as well. Literally the very next day after deciding to go back on birth control, I discovered we were pregnant again. I had had what I thought was a normal cycle, so I was beyond concerned about this pregnancy given what we had just gone through. After close monitoring & listening to his heartbeat as often as I could- we welcomed our son, Declan, into our family. I look back occasionally & remember the due date of my miscarried baby & wonder what he or she would have looked like, what we would have named him/her and what we’ve missed out on. However, I am thankful for that baby & know that everything was in God’s plan, since without loosing that baby, we never would have had our Declan. Our sweet, silly, sensitive boy. We only wanted 2 children, so we would not have been given the joy of this sweet boy. Hindsight is 20/20. I cannot imagine a world where I am not his mother!
