2013 In Review

Last year I rode a roller coaster of emotions. For me it was a very draining and life changing year. It was a year that would forever alter my life. Two-thousand and thirteen would be the year that I finally found myself.
The beginning of the year I found myself returning from a trip to Washington DC. I came home to who I thought was my husband, but instead found myself facing a monster. For the weeks following life as I had known it had ended. My ex-husband threatened to bash my head in with a baseball bat and became very controlling and demanding. I had to make a lot of difficult choices to better the lives of not only myself, but my children. I reported domestic abuse to the police. I made the very hard choice of leaving a ten year marriage, one I had been thinking about leaving for years and finally had the courage to do so.
As the weeks followed I spent many hours pondering my marriage and my life choices. I was broken and lost. I saw everything I had been accustom to swirl down the drain. I had to learn to be self-efficient and do things on my own. My ex-husband was an extremely controlling man and for our entire relationship had total control on where I went and what I did. I finally had an unknown freedom. I did not have to answer to anyone and while that was very exciting; it was also a scary thing for me to get used to.
My ex-husband was also in total control of all of our finances. In our relationship since the day I moved into an apartment with him at the age of 19, I never saw a bill. Ray was in the finance field and took care of everything. He gave me a weekly allowance and monitored every purchase made like a hound. I could not even buy a candy bar on my lunch break at work without his permission. When I finally separated from him this was a rude awaking for me. I had to learn to budget and make every penny stretch. I also learned how much debt my lovely ex –husband had brought to my life. I learned the hard way that he had taken out numerous credit cards in my name and over the years of our marriage had gotten us in so much debt I am more than likely going to have to file bankruptcy in the near future; as there is no way in the world I will ever be able to pay it all back on my own.
The next few months I lived in the martial home learning to survive on my own. I worked as much as possible to get my two feet on the ground and support myself and my family. Ray took with him all of our close friends, who took his side saying he was the perfect man and would never have done the things that I had accused him of. I found myself lost and alone, with only a few family members to count on, including his mother whom I had grown very close to and gave me money to file for the divorce I had desperately needed.
It would be only months later that I would lose my two year job as management at a local clothing store for reasons involving my ex that I choose not to get into. At this same time my health took a toll. I suffer from a very rare inner ear condition that has caused me to have horrible vertigo, balance and hearing issues all my life. On top of that I also was recently diagnosed with Meniere’s which adds to the vertigo and hearing loss. I was spending hours in bed unable to move; until they found a golf ball size non-cancerous tumor inside my head wrapped around nerves in my left ear.
I had surgery to remove both my tonsils and the tumor later a few weeks later. It was a very rough recovery. I no longer have the little balance I did have, and ladders are almost impossible for me. I can never dance ballet again if I wanted to. Also with the surgery I lost almost all the hearing I did have in my left ear, leaving me profoundly deaf in that ear. (I was already at the severe deafness stage before the surgery).

I was in deep depression and lost over 15 lbs. in a very short amount of time. I wasn’t taking care of myself and scaring my family and close friends. My grandmother forced me to get out and try to make new friends. Oddly enough almost by fate, I stumbled upon a craigslist listing for a man named Eric, whom would forever change my life.
June of 2013 after a month of emails back and forth getting to know Eric, fate finally allowed us to me. After what was supposed to be an hour long swimming date turned into an all-night getting to know each other date we became an item, spending almost every day together.
Eric had become a great support in a short period of time. God must have known I needed someone like him to help me through the tough times. Eric was there to help me through the worst periods of my life and finally bring a smile back to my face. He also helped me find a job at our local airport in which I started working at as the manager of the gift shop in July of 2013.
In August of 2013, due to my lack of funds and a serious of unlucky events I lost the house to my ex-husband in a court battle. I was forced to the leave the only place I had called home for the past 7 years to move and crash on friend’s couches till I could find a place of my own. Due to my unknowingness and lack of experience in a divorce I had taken with me a few of my beloved items only to be taken to court by the demon that is my ex only weeks later and found in contempt of court and ordered to return almost everything that I owned to the home to be later split up. (He still has EVERYTHING of ours except my clothing and a few personal items). Looking for a place to live, I stumbled upon a Craig’s-listing for the most perfect three bedroom house in my price range. It was a dream come true. I loved the place from the first walk through. I emailed the person whom I believed was the owner for weeks on end. He had explained he was a local doctor who had left the country for a sabbatical to Africa with his wife. I looked into it and everything seemed to pan out. The man who owned the house was indeed a doctor, in the age range this man was. And I trusted him. I was stupid. Very stupid. I wired over rent and the security deposit via Western Union. Weeks passed and he promised to send the keys. Nothing. Finally it was Eric who spotted the same house while searching for a new apartment for himself on a local relators webpage. The house was not for rent. Indeed it was for sale. The man who I had been speaking to was not the owner. I was out a lot of money. I was scammed in a Nigerian Craigslist scam. I would never see my money again. Eric and I grew closer and he allowed me to stay with him until his room-mate became a complete psycho. We begun looking for places together. Finally my father told us he had an opening in one of his places. In Oct. of 2013 Eric and I moved into our first apartment together, oddly enough the same exact apartment me and my ex lived in before we were married. Life from then on would never be the same. Soon after Eric and I moved into an appartment together, i lost my beloved mother in law. While we did not have the best relationship and we ended on bad terms (she screwed me over in court by taking my ex’s side). I had loved her more then my own mother and her death was VERY hard on me. It would rock my world. Eric and I grew closer and closer as the months passed. My kids got to know him on a persona l level and love him as much as I did. My parents and grandparents both fell in love with Eric too. I met and fell in love with his family also. It could not get any better.We talked about starting a family of our own and even marriage in the future.. We have come to terms that we are just ment to be together. And while our relationship is still young, we know in our hearts that it was just ment to be. That brings us to today. My ex is still a consent demon in my life, causing unexpected hiccups like you would not imagine. I continue to have many ups and downs. Life is still not stable. Over the holidays I worked two jobs to make ends meet. I am still battling depression and cry often. I have gained back a few pounds that I have lost, but my eating patterns still depend on my mood. Yet I have learned that I am strong. I have found someone that loves me for who I am. Someone that wipes away my tears and holds me when I need that extra bit of support. I have become a better person. I am not afraid to speak up, I can and will survive on my own and most important I have found myself. While my struggles continue to haunt me as we go into this new year, I have learned “there is always a rainbow after the storm.” And that rainbow I can finally see in the distance and that makes me smile.


Credits:

Sahlin Studio:
Sweet Storytelling
Apple Orchard
Fresh
Wonderful day
Wired Alpha

Heather Joyce:
The Mrs. Roberts