17-Jan-2020-Hindsight
Susan - s3js, Jan 29, 2020
- Description:
- Main kit TLP Collab Bloom & Grow
Background TLP Collab Fresh Start
Watercolor stroke at left Rebecca McMeen Watercolor Background People 4
Word Art TLP Collab All About Me
Font Times New Roman
719 words
I have called 41 different addresses home. Some were by choice, some were not. When I was a child, we moved every time my father was promoted. He worked for the same company, in the same pace, but starting life as the child of migrant farm workers at the end of the depression, where we lived was important to my father. It was his measure of success. My mother also moved frequently under conditions that were often as dire as those of the migrant farm community in the middle 1930s and 1940s. They were horrifyingly poor, but Momma always seems to have taken it in stride. Her measure of success is having enough to survive.
So, I suppose it’s not surprising that moving never bothered me. It was a new adventure with new friends to make and new places to see. I am painfully shy until I get to know people which made making friends a bit challenging, but I always found at least a couple of kids to hang around with. Still, I loved to move and think I must have gypsy in my soul because I tend to get antsy when I’ve been too long at one place.
I moved frequently myself in the US army, then with Federal Express, and then with The Salvation Army. I learned to be strong and self-sufficient, dealing with life far away from family. Many experiences were painful, many were not, but no experience is a totally bad experience if you learn something from it. Learn I did.
We’ve lived in this place for 13 years during which we have walked in the valley of the shadow with John’s ADHD, PTSD, and concussive brain syndrome. It has been an unhappy move. I have never been able to plant my heart here. Most of my friends are far away and John had forbidden contact with them because they are all Salvation Army Officers and it caused him pain. We resigned as officers after Hurricane Katrina because of the PTSD which tore our lives apart and, although our friends reached out, I had to turn my back and walk away. In order to survive, I had to put them all in a little corner of my heart and mind. When I could make clandestine contact I would, but it’s not the same, and caused trouble.
On October 1st, John called me – CALLED ME! – at work and announced he was divorcing me, that I would get the papers in the mail in two weeks – on my 65th birthday. This is a no-fault state so his divorce would be approved even if I objected. No choice there, either.
Now, I have at least one more move to make before I finally go Home. Hindsight really is 20/20. Once more, I am looking forward to moving and I realize that all the moves I’ve made and all the things I’ve faced and survived equipped me to deal with the crushing heartbreak of this double failure – failure to anchor him enough to see him safely through to the other side of the PTSD and a second failed marriage. My boys are a wonderful support. There is nothing to hold me here so I will go on a new adventure. When Jason graduates from college in 2 years, I will retire, sell the house, and move. I can’t care for this place alone and the boys will eventually have lives of their own, although they plan to go with me and help me settle in. I suspect Jason will leave school with a job in hand, so it will be temporary for him. I’ve seen a good part of this world, but there is more to explore. I might even do what my Dad is contemplating. He’s worked it out and it really is less expensive to just move from ship to ship and cruise the world. No property to care for, doctors readily to hand, maid and laundry service, gourmet meals as part of the deal, and all the entertainment I could want. I can just picture myself doing genealogy, writing my book, and scrapbooking at sea and exploring in port. In between, I can go visit my boys and their families if they have them by then. Yes, I think a new adventure is in order.
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- Category:
- Month of Challenges 8
- Uploaded By:
- Susan - s3js
- Date:
- Jan 29, 2020
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- Comment Count:
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