michelepixels

01-26-moc26-remembrance-Mom

01-26-moc26-remembrance-Mom
michelepixels, Jan 26, 2022
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1,105 words

My Mom was a crafty, compassionate, humble, determined person.

Her house walls are filled with her stitching projects. Most are cross stitch, but she also did needlepoint and quilting and other stuff with needles of which I don’t know the name. She was a good teacher too. One of my very few childhood memories is the little hoop and fabric she gave me when I was very young so I could practice making little needlepoint designs. Later, when I was in middle school, my aunt taught all of us (Mom, sister, and me) how to cross stitch, but my Mom was the one who helped me whenever I would get stuck. Same with sewing projects. Mom made so many clothes in her life! Enough to fill several closets, I’m sure. She made clothes for everyone: herself, my Dad, me and my siblings, relatives, friends, children of friends, and her grandchildren. She always said she learned from her grandmother. I think they were very very close, because my Mom talked about her grandma a lot, but not much about anything else in her past. Whenever I’d ask questions about her past she’d say, “I don’t know. I can’t remember!”

Her compassion showed in the way she took care of me -- particularly when I was a baby -- and the way she took care of animals. I think it’s so awesome that decades before babywearing became a thing in the “attachment parenting” philosophy, she figured out a way to carry her crying second baby. She said she tied a sheet around her shoulders and tucked me in. I was told many times growing up that I cried a lot! But I never felt shamed for it. All of us (Mom, my sister, and I) cried easily.

We had a number of different pets growing up and some were acquired by saving them from a life in the wild. There were a few kitten litters born in our backyard. One time she captured two of the kittens and put them up for adoption. When the mama cat came around next time, Mom was able to capture all the kittens and mama cat. She took mama cat to a facility but kept the kittens, advertised them, and found new homes for all of them . . . until the last one. That’s how we got Charlie. I still remember my sister taking a phone call on our mustard yellow wall phone in the dining room, setting the phone down, then going to Mom and pleading to keep Charlie, the runt of the litter. Mom agreed and my sister went back to the phone and said, “Sorry, the kittens are all taken!”

One of my Mom’s lifetime loves was the horse. She loved the horses her brother kept. I can remember the way she pet them and talked to them eye to eye. She was always proud of a particular photo that exists of her as a baby, seated upon a horse. Her dad is barely visible on the far side of the horse, his hand supporting her. She cross-stitched and needlepointed several horse pictures, a couple quite large ones that must have taken many months. She was a very diligent worker on projects such as these. She spent many an evening sitting and stitching in the living room near Dad as he watched t.v. She had a stand that stood on the floor and extended up to arm level while seated and, with clips, held an embroidery hoop. Next to that she had a lamp that shone directly onto her work. In my memory, I can see her fingers working the needle and thread.

She had no need for the spotlight though. In fact, she avoided the spotlight. She took compliments -- which she received often for her crafts and her cooking -- with a humble smile and thanks. Along this same vein, she obviously did not feel an urge to hold power over anyone, including children. I always felt comfortable and respected by her. I could always talk to her easily about absolutely any topic. I have a vague general memory of sitting in the 1984 brown Ford Tempo beside her, talking.

Speaking of cooking, she was a good cook. Virtually all of my meals growing up were homemade from scratch. She regularly created the Thanksgiving and Christmas feasts for her extended family. And she taught me by just letting me help in the kitchen at first, and then helping me whenever I wanted to try cooking something. She always had me grating the cheddar cheese on taco night. I remember her teaching me how to cut up a whole chicken. I was a little disgusted, but she was so matter of fact. Her dad had been a butcher.

We did have disagreements. I remember her discouraging me from making salsa because it was too much trouble. She was such a homebody, she didn’t let me go out and do things much, like the time I was invited to go shopping with a friend and her family in Los Angeles (only 150 miles from where we lived in San Diego); I was so miffed about that. Another time I remember her getting mad at me for expressing my dislike for my new curtains. It took me by surprise because I had been talking conversationally, not petulantly. Several years later she apologized in general for her grumpiness of recent years, as she realized afterward that menopause had been an emotional rollercoaster for her. Those grumpy times were few and far between though and ended with tears, not yelling. She was a peaceful person, like me.

Mom was determined sometimes too. She wasn’t afraid to pick up tools for a new project and give them a try. She was enthusiastic about computers before most people had a clue about them. I think she got started with the help of her brothers, who worked with early computers in the 1980’s, but I watched her accomplish setting up our early computers, fix problems with both software and hardware, and incorporate the machine into daily life, beginning with the Apple IIe we got in 1984. In 1993, she hopped onto one of the first Internet Service Providers and urged me to give it a try. Eventually I met my husband on Prodigy, so that had a huge impact on my life!

She never drank or smoked and ate reasonably healthfully. I think she thought she might see her 100th birthday; her Grandma was just 4 months shy of that. So it sucks that this stupid thing called dementia appeared. It takes away the person excruciatingly slowly.
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  • Category:
    Month of Challenges 10
    Uploaded By:
    michelepixels
    Date:
    Jan 26, 2022
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    Comment Count:
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