Zombie monkeys or velociraptors?

Discussion in 'Chatty Pad' started by Peppermint, Nov 8, 2011.

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  1. Nov 8, 2011 #1
    Peppermint

    Peppermint One Little Bird

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    Which do you think you could take in hand-to-hand combat?

    My first instinct is zombie monkeys as long as we're talking something cute like a capuchin, because I ain't no hero. But then again, even a brain-seeking capuchin monkey would be pretty damn cute and it would be hard to lay the hurt down on something that's oozing adorableness. And that adorableness would be disarming and allow the zombie capuchin monkey to potentially gain the upper hand.

    Which leaves me with velociraptors, which is a much taller order considering that velociraptors are ferocious prehistoric beasts the size of pick-up trucks. However, I've been vigilant about preparing myself for a velociraptor attack for much of my adult life (did you know they can pick locks and often disguise themselves with mustaches and darth vader costumes?) and I also keep a Velociraptor Attack Survival Kit at the ready at all times - which includes a collection of Chuck Norris action figures (Velociraptors are deathly afraid of Chuck Norris) and my primarily left-leaning voting record (Velociraptors are known to prefer to eat Republicans) among other things.

    So I think definitely velociraptors.

    You?
     
    Peppermint, Nov 8, 2011
    Peppermint, Nov 8, 2011
    #1
  2. Nov 8, 2011 #2
    crystalbella77

    crystalbella77 Capture life and embrace it

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    Well I personally am going to go with the monkeys. There is nothing cute about any kind of zombie so I would have zero trouble taking one out. A Velociraptor would be considerably larger than me and would just freak me right out from the get go. Unlike you, I have not been training for them to attack. Maybe you can give me some tips so I don't have to take out a bunch of monkeys?
     
    crystalbella77, Nov 8, 2011
    crystalbella77, Nov 8, 2011
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  3. Nov 8, 2011 #3
    Peppermint

    Peppermint One Little Bird

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    Grape juice is a suspected Velociraptor repellant, so you could arm yourself with some SuperSoaker squirt guns filled with a lot of Concord Grape goodness. Since Velociraptors tend to hunt in packs you may want to invest in the SuperSoakers that come with the backpack-style fluid chambers.

    Also they're extremely agitated by poor grammar, so you'll want to be sure to use proper grammar at all times.

    Zombies, on the other hand, are motivated by brains and it's much harder to fake not having a brain. Although I went to college with a few girls who could easily survive a zombie monkey attack using that defense, alone.
     
    Last edited: Nov 8, 2011
    Peppermint, Nov 8, 2011
    Peppermint, Nov 8, 2011
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  4. Nov 8, 2011 #4
    crystalbella77

    crystalbella77 Capture life and embrace it

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    ok..well I think with you training me I might be able to do the velociraptors. Just don't leave me alone with them!
     
    crystalbella77, Nov 8, 2011
    crystalbella77, Nov 8, 2011
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  5. Nov 8, 2011 #5
    Peppermint

    Peppermint One Little Bird

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    You should try to never be alone with Velociraptors anyway! Your best chance for survival is to surround yourself with a crowd full of people and then outrun all of them.
     
    Peppermint, Nov 8, 2011
    Peppermint, Nov 8, 2011
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  6. Nov 8, 2011 #6
    lmccandless

    lmccandless The Force is strong with this one. Boss of the Applesauce

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    You know, this is a pretty serious issue, so I might have to think about it for a while...consider it from all angles, etc.
    My first instinct, though, is that I can take the zombie monkeys, as I couldn't possibly resort to poor grammar even while battling velociraptors.
     
    lmccandless, Nov 8, 2011
    lmccandless, Nov 8, 2011
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  7. Nov 8, 2011 #7
    alb52

    alb52 · · · – – – · · ·

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    i'm totally going w/ the velociraptor. if lack of capitalization counts as poor grammar.... i may stand an even better chance.

    one of the weapons monkeys use is poop - throwing it just totally grosses me out, enough to never want to be around them at all. those little devils also are too cute and appear so cuddly, except for their zombie eyes. masters of disguise they are. suck you in and..WHAM!
     
    alb52, Nov 8, 2011
    alb52, Nov 8, 2011
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  8. Nov 8, 2011 #8
    LeeAndra

    LeeAndra A total Betty.

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    Definitely a tough call, P.

    I don't think you're giving enough weight to the intelligence factor (versus the brawn factor). Monkeys are WAY smarter than velos, and if it's not only the smartest animal next to humans, but also thirsty for my blood, I'm not sure I could take it down. Even armed with the appropriate artillery, it could outthink me and then suck down my blood like a particularly macabre Juicy Juice. On the other hand, velos are physically larger, but have brains the size of the aforementioned Juicy Juice packages. If I could secure a vine or rope or even telephone wire, I believe I could tie it up like I was the star of the Jurassic rodeo and win the battle.

    Tangent: what if a zombie monkey and velociraptor fought EACH OTHER?! Discuss.
     
    LeeAndra, Nov 8, 2011
    LeeAndra, Nov 8, 2011
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  9. Nov 8, 2011 #9
    Sara

    Sara Riding in the Neil mobile

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    I have a friend who taught me all about surviving the Zombie Apocalypse, so I'm going with Zombie Monkey. If I can't take it out, at least I can survive. Definitely longer than I could against a Velociraptor. Have you seen how fast they are? At least the zombies are historically slow moving.
     
    Sara, Nov 8, 2011
    Sara, Nov 8, 2011
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  10. Nov 8, 2011 #10
    talktoheather

    talktoheather The 102nd Dalmatian.

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    after watching zombie land, i feel like i could take on a zombie monkey. and after watching jurassic park, i don't know that i could take a velociraptor. maybe if i had jeff goldblum with me we could take on the velociraptors, but alone... no way.
     
    talktoheather, Nov 8, 2011
    talktoheather, Nov 8, 2011
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  11. Nov 8, 2011 #11
    Jenna

    Jenna Jenna

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    Did you people SEE Jurassic Park? No way I'd take on a velociraptor! ;)
     
    Jenna, Nov 8, 2011
    Jenna, Nov 8, 2011
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  12. Nov 8, 2011 #12
    talktoheather

    talktoheather The 102nd Dalmatian.

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    [​IMG]
    this changes everything.
     
    talktoheather, Nov 8, 2011
    talktoheather, Nov 8, 2011
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  13. Nov 9, 2011 #13
    Jenna

    Jenna Jenna

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    Mwahahahahaha!!
     
    Jenna, Nov 9, 2011
    Jenna, Nov 9, 2011
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  14. Nov 9, 2011 #14
    Karen

    Karen Wiggle it, just a little bit!

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    Bigger animal = Bigger target. I'm going with the velociraptor!

    p.s. I'm so glad I didn't see this before bed last night! :)
     
    Karen, Nov 9, 2011
    Karen, Nov 9, 2011
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  15. Nov 9, 2011 #15
    stampin_rachel

    stampin_rachel The Lost Spice Girl

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    Since I am a slow runner I would have to go with the monkeys. The velociraptors would rip my head off in less than 3 seconds. So I think I would pretend to be a zombie myself, get cozy with the little monkey and convince him to attack the raptor. Then I would grab a good book and relax while those 2 battled it out.
     
    stampin_rachel, Nov 9, 2011
    stampin_rachel, Nov 9, 2011
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  16. Nov 9, 2011 #16
    Brandi

    Brandi You're so fine, you're so fine you blow my mind

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    What she said! :lol
     
    Brandi, Nov 9, 2011
    Brandi, Nov 9, 2011
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  17. Nov 9, 2011 #17
    RebeccaH

    RebeccaH Life is exciting, yes it is!

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    oh for goodness.
    i think amy makes a good point. poo throwing monkeys are not on my list of things to battle.
    and SURELY velociraptors have weaknesses, or THEY would have been named king of the dinos instead of Rexy. plus, i can DEFINITELY bust out some bad grammar if needed... heck, sometimes i do it just for fun. so i've got that working for me.
    sign me up for the raptors please.
     
    RebeccaH, Nov 9, 2011
    RebeccaH, Nov 9, 2011
    #17
  18. Nov 9, 2011 #18
    Micheline Martin

    Micheline Martin New Member

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    Ok I misunderstood so had to edit my post, Honestly I would take on the zombie monkey the velociraptor would totally get me lol
     
    Last edited: Nov 9, 2011
    Micheline Martin, Nov 9, 2011
    Micheline Martin, Nov 9, 2011
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  19. Nov 9, 2011 #19
    DoodleBop

    DoodleBop Just call me Sweetcakes.

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    Zombie monkeys for sure....
     
    DoodleBop, Nov 9, 2011
    DoodleBop, Nov 9, 2011
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  20. Nov 9, 2011 #20
    Lynnette

    Lynnette In my life, I've loved them all

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    hmmm... you all make interesting points. Being the fence-sitter that I am I'm not going to take a side.... I would just like to see Peppermint's layout with this post for journaling. Oh and could you design a zombie monkey/velociraptor kit? That I would like to see. :giggle
     
    Lynnette, Nov 9, 2011
    Lynnette, Nov 9, 2011
    #20
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