Writing about the hard times

Discussion in 'Journaling and Storytelling' started by MrsGaramer, Jul 23, 2017.

  1. lealawson

    lealawson Well-Known Member

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    I'm a pretty open book, so I for the most part, am willing to put it out there. I am one year out from the hardest 3 years I have ever endured. I am at a point now where it feels important to document my story...my feelings...my hurt. They don't grace every page I create, but I want to be open about who I am.

    While they are pretty personal, I try to be open about what I've been through. You just never know when something as simple as a blog post or scrapbooking layout might find their way to someone just embarking on the hard journey you've already traveled.
     
  2. MrsGaramer

    MrsGaramer Using my imagination

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    You know, it's funny. When I first wrote about this I was dealing with my grandfather going into a nursing home - well, dealing with the fact that he needed to but how do you tell someone that? I've come to realize that telling the story is important. I agree 100%, there are so many people out there with similar stories. I stopped documenting our lives for awhile because it was too hard. I felt like it needed to be facebook perfect. But you know what? My kids need to see the real changes we've made. The triumphs we've accomplished though all of our hard work! I've made it a goal to document as much as I can this year. Good and bad!
     
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  3. mcurtt

    mcurtt give me all the paleo brownies

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    I have shed tears as I've journaled on some of my pages. But those are the ones I will cover in paint, etc. Definitely cathartic just to get it down "on paper".
     
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  4. Mylinn

    Mylinn What's that old bat up to now??

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    And how you came to the decisions you made. Aka a glimpse at adulting.
     
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  5. MrsGaramer

    MrsGaramer Using my imagination

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    Exactly!
     
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  6. bestcee

    bestcee In love with places I've never been to

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    And hope. Hope for people that someday they will get through this.

    There's a paper scrapper who has documented about losing her son, and is pretty open about the feelings on her scrap pages. And it's a beautiful story. My mom is a poet and writer, so she has shared through poems her feelings about losing my sister to SIDS at 6 months old. I know she has shared with others who have lost children young, and a few have come back to tell her the comfort it gave them. Usually not at that moment, but the knowledge that eventually it'll be better. Never the same, but better in it's own way.
     
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  7. MrsGaramer

    MrsGaramer Using my imagination

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    @bestcee I think finding solace through art can really help the grieving process. I'm so glad they have an outlet.

    All of the comments have given me pause for thought on how I may approach this year in terms of how and what I document.
     
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  8. lealawson

    lealawson Well-Known Member

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    I used to only show my "perfect little life" too. And then I lost my babies...and I HATED social media because my life was in shambles & everyone else was still posting their perfect life. I don't do that any longer. Of course I share the fun times & vacations, etc...but when I'm having a bad day or am struggling with the loss of my kids...I tell it. I put it out there. And the honest truth, is people shy away from those posts. If you compare a post I make about my losses versus a post I make about something happy & fun...the happy one gets WAY more likes & comments. But I don't really care. An acquaintance of mine recently lost her baby & it wasn't expected...and she remembered the posts I made on my page. She reached out to me in her time of need, and that is what I want. I want to be able to help people with my story, no matter how hard it is.
     
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  9. MrsGaramer

    MrsGaramer Using my imagination

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    I'm so sorry for your loss! I think your willingness to share is amazing!!
     
  10. StefanieS

    StefanieS Think it over, think it under

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    I usually only scrapbook the happy, silver lining stuff. When the tough times come I get quiet.

    i hit a wobble today. We have such a bad drought here, Cape Town, South Africa if you wanna Google it.
    From tomorrow the 1st of Feb we are only allowed to use 50 liters per person per day. This includes washing dishes, washing clothes, showering, cooking and drinking. A toilet flush can use 10 liters. We are way past if it's yellow let it mellow...Our neighbours were using too much and they had a water meter attached to their water line. Once they use their allocation the taps stop working.
    Water is such a necessity and we have taken it for granted, but still. If you think of us, pray for rain?
    Feb is our hottest month and January has been bone dry. The dams are at 13% and they are talking about day zero - the day (maybe mid- April) when the taps run dry. There are 4 million people in Cape Town. And we have no plan B.
     
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  11. mcurtt

    mcurtt give me all the paleo brownies

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    @Eyeore Praying for rain for you...
     
  12. MrsGaramer

    MrsGaramer Using my imagination

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    Oh my goodness, my heart is aching for you guys!! I will say a prayer for rain. Is there anything we can do to help in the meantime?
     
  13. StefanieS

    StefanieS Think it over, think it under

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    @MrsGaramer Thanks but practically we just need the rain.
     
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  14. Serena

    Serena Squishy soul poet who loves Walter Hunt

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    I'm one of those people who used to be completely closed off. We moved around a LOT so I was never in one place for more than a year usually, 3 years was a record but it was in 4 different houses, at least I got to go to the same highschool though... I don't really understand relationships that well, people who say they've had a friend since kindergarden and all that just baffles me. My family and I don't talk either, (my sister and I a little bit, but she's Sach's Fifth Avenue and I'm the dollar store... ) so it was just natural for me to not really say anything.

    Then we settled down, and I got a best friend, and my in laws had me scrapping so I had a creative outlet.. and I'd scrap about anything and everything... except myself. One day I was showing my son (who has autism and doesn't really say much) the scrapbook I had made and printed out for them. He listened and watched as I showed each page and explained what it was about and at the end he hit me really hard. (emotionally.)

    "I love this book! But, you aren't in it. How am I supposed to remember you if you aren't here?"

    It gutted me. With this headache issue I'm going through and randomly losing abilities sometimes and no doctors to tell me what's going on, I'm truly afraid at any moment everything is going to change so drastically that I can't or won't be able to tell my family about me. I don't want them remembering me as only the 'sick mommie who couldn't do much.' I want them to learn about me and that I'm a person too. I'm working on a page now about how I used to be in highschool, WHY I studied psychology, WHY I am the "Soul Poet" Margaret and the Naming Fairy came up with.

    I think all these things are important. The good, the bad. I have no idea if my mother went through the same things as me. I have no idea what was hard, what was normal, I have no point of reference. Do siblings fight? Apparently so, my kids do and it completely baffles me, I did NOT have that luxury, my sister and I were close when we were young out of necessity. How great would it be for your family to realize that life is NOT the perfect "photoshop" everyone sees?

    "Don't judge your behind the scenes by everyone else's highlight reel."

    This was brought to my attention by someone who posted on one of my layouts that I had poured my heart into. I don't like pity, I don't tell my pain and struggles because I want others to feel bad for me, in fact, it's the OPPOSITE. I want them to know what I deal with so if some times I'm not "smiling from the wrist down", they understand it's NOT them, or they understand I'm just having a rough day and need distraction.

    There's a lot of good advice and ideas in these comments. A lot of times I'm an open book, but some things I keep VERY tight lipped about and close to my heart. I won't say them in open forums, however... there's a layout in my gallery that I will NEVER print. This is the only place that layout exists. It's safe here because I trust you guys. It made me feel better because I got it out, because it was a heavy weight I was carrying and I just needed to be artsy and creative. But the main reason I posted it was because then (even if NO ONE read it) I would feel like I've shared and like someone was understanding my burden and helping me lift it.

    Another sentiment here I wanted to second was the whole others reading about what you're going through and NOT feeling alone. Because no one likes to say their life isn't perfect, because photographers only share their 'perfect' shots, we feel like we are less. Like we are failures because our family doesn't fit up to everything else we see. So I post what I can because I know that everyone gets out of bed like I do. Everyone puts on their pants one leg at a time like I do.

    And we are ALL perfectly imperfect.
     
  15. jagruti patel

    jagruti patel Me love cookies! Yum! Yum!

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    @Serena I am so glad you are at TLP and i love reading your posts! They always make me feel better. I feel like it not just me...that there are others like me. I can't thank you enough!

    I love this quote! I always feel less than! and this helps!
    "Don't judge your behind the scenes by everyone else's highlight reel."
     
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  16. bestcee

    bestcee In love with places I've never been to

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    I'm with you there girl! I lived in the same place from 4-8th grade. Two houses, but the same school. I had 3 different high schools. And I get itchy feet after 2 years in a place because I moved so much as a kid. It's hard to adjust to having people around longer than a short peek into our lives.
    One of my favorite quotes lately has been: Don't judge my life based on the chapter you walked in on.
    Could you imagine opening a book, and judging the main character based on where they are at in the middle without knowing how they got there? Harry Potter would seem like a spoiled brat based on the 5th book alone.

    And this:
    I had that moment after we did a family trip to Disneyland, just the three of us. So many photos, and at first glance I only found 2 with me in it. It made my heart sad. Like, if those 2 were lost, then my son would have no idea I was even there! At the same time, I came across a photo of me with my dad when I was little. I can only think of a handful of them. Granted the difference between film and digital, but those experiences made me more determined to share me, and be in the photo. In looking back now, there are a few more than 2 with me in it from that Disneyland trip, but not much more!
     
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  17. Pachimac

    Pachimac Give me all the cliché Christmas movies

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    I have written out my journaling on pages and then make the journaling unable to be read. Usually I put it as a blend with the background. Then, so I can read it later, I put it in the EXIF notes of the file so that I can read the journaling if I want to.
     
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  18. Pachimac

    Pachimac Give me all the cliché Christmas movies

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    Most of the time, I'm like this. I'm pretty much an open book. However, there are some instances in which I have been hurt deeply, that to share would expose other people's pain - and I can't do that. So when I scrap that, I will make sure the journaling is for me only.
     
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  19. Serena

    Serena Squishy soul poet who loves Walter Hunt

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    @bestcee Ooooh man, then you TOTALLY my currently going psycho because we've been in this one house for 9 years now. AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH. I was SO done 8 1/2 years ago!!! Plus I really hate this house. -.-

    What a GREAT analogy on the chapters, I looove that by the way, it's so true. My ex-friend and I were at a store and this kid asked their mother for something and the mom just plain reached out, smacked her and drug her along. He was like "wow, there's WINNING parenting right there."

    My first thought? I wonder just how much the kid had been whining when we hadn't seen. Or what bad news and other crap the mom was dealing with that she just couldn't take anything anymore and lashed out perhaps a bit more strongly than she should have. Then again, she could have just been another one of those people who can't handle their anger well and was indeed a bad parent. But there are a TON of sides to every story.

    Also, because of the page you posted, I have to tell you this just so you can giggle, okay? We tried getting pregnant forever, it didn't work so we got the paper work filled out and was going to schedule the home visit when I finally got pregnant. So I kinda giggled when I saw the correlation. Also, my favorite "advice" I ever got was: "Have you tried eating lots of bananas and trying in handstand mode?" Courtney. I kid you not. The serious face I kept on would have won a noble peace price. How in the WORLD do you react when someone offers that little nugget? Luckily, I got interrupted by a customer as I was at work... we never spoke of it again.

    The world is sooo much better with the ability to take photos and make and keep memories now. Sometimes it's a downfall, lol, but things like what you and I have gone through, it's so much easier now. I have exactly two photos of my childhood. Are there more? Possibly, but I don't have them and the person who would doesn't speak to me. I've tried to make sure my kids have photos as often as I can, because who doesn't love seeing things like Bella's cheeto up her nose? (I'm still dying at that one.. ) Get in those photos, lady! You're Amazing and gorgeous and your family definitely needs to remember our fierce, warrioress BEST C! :D
     
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  20. bestcee

    bestcee In love with places I've never been to

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    I 100% get that! 9 years is a long time! Even when we were poor college students we switched apartments every year to 18 months. My poor hubby! There was no real reason for it. Just to move.

    I can't believe you were able to stay serious! I made a page, not sure that it's posted here, where I wrote all the stupid things I'd been told. It made me feel a little better. I think the experience has made me incredibly snarky in my head. I still remember when someone asked if we were doing it right. I'm pretty sure my mouth dropped open. And I'm not positive if something along the lines of I went to health ed class, and I'm smarter than a teenager popped out; or if that was in my head alone.
     
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