Kids

[scrapsandsass]

Tell me again how you parents (or grandparents) of multiple kids handle life on a regular basis??!?!

Our grandson Conan (from across state) is staying with us for the first time ever. He's five. And he is *the* whiniest kid I've seen (since his mom ). #genetics Like it is shocking... the amount of whining that is done. Over nothing. LOL. And he doesn't eat or drink like a normal kid. I'm not sure what they do over there, but since he's been here, he wants to eat continuously. But not real food, just snacks. He asks *at least* ten times a day if he can have a snack. Probably more than that because we don't give in every time, so then it increases exponentially. And if he asks one of us and we say no, he'll ask someone else. And if that doesn't work, he'll get Kennedy involved and have him ask. And of course when it is meal time, he doesn't want to eat the real food. He will tell us he is full after two bites but literally five minutes after dinner he asks for a snack or dessert. Uh... NO! So now we leave his meal there and tell him he can eat that before he gets any snacks/desserts. We're trying to limit the snacking, but it is hard because I don't want him to feel like he's starving, but at the same time, it is insane. He had a full lunch with a grilled cheese sandwich, goldfish crackers and blueberries He surprised us by eating all of that, but then bugged us for a snack probably 6 times in 2 hours post-lunch. He had no time to get hungry. So finally Tim made popcorn. Conan ate that and ten minutes later (no exaggeration), he asked for another snack. He also doesn't want to drink water or milk. He just wants juice... all day (which he also isn't getting). LOL. I'm sure he thinks we are the meanest grandparents ever. I don't think any of the family on that side of the state would know a balanced meal if it hit them in the face.

Kennedy isn't used to having another kid around or sharing all of his toys and his entire room (unless my nephew comes by), so he's been acting out the past several days (once the newness of having his cousin around wore off). It is completely horrible and out-of-character... like Dr. Jekyll/Hyde. Part of it is that he feels like no matter what he does, he is getting grief. He's also 15 months older, so he is held to a different standard... not to mention we raised him differently. And Conan is not used to sharing space with another kid either (although he goes to daycare). There are a million little squabbles all day because Conan is upset about something. Like Kennedy might accidentally look at him... or make a noise... or breathe... or stand in the wrong place... or be in Conan's general vicinity... or be doing something without him (after Conan whines at him to leave him alone )... or if Kennedy gets the blue cup (the most-coveted thing currently in our house). Or if Kennedy wants to watch a movie. Conan can't just not watch it because he doesn't want to have to hear it. Or whatever. Kennedy just looks at me with a questioning look on his face because he doesn't know what to do. Sometimes I start laughing out loud because I think I'm going to go insane.

There have also been issues where Conan's gone into the garden and picked every single ear of corn off the plants. And he was crushing cucumbers before that. It isn't like he doesn't know better. Tim's ex-wife has a garden and Conan is over there a lot. It is just like he wants to see what he can get away with.

I honestly don't know how you guys deal with multiple kids. My daughter was an only child for 16 years. And Kennedy is an only child. I don't know how to find the patience to deal with constant whining and bickering with more than one kid around.

I'm looking forward to some peace and quiet tomorrow, but I feel bad. Tim is taking Conan home, and it makes me feel like a horrible person because it is hard not being able to see him on a regular basis. We love the little nugget to death. It is hard because he's just a little kid and has been through a lot. Tim's daughter is the screw-up and hasn't had custody of Conan (or seen him) in over two years. So it isn't like we can say much about how he's being raised. He'd been abused a couple of years ago (by her boyfriend) so I think the dad/step-mom and other grandparents (on both sides) don't want to tell him no about anything or be firm with him because everyone feels so horrible about what he's been through. But it doesn't help a kid get beyond things if you don't create boundaries. I know we've learned that with Kennedy's ADHD/Sensory/Anxiety stuff, boundaries are crucial.

I dunno. It is all crazy-making.

How do you cope??

 

[jk703]

Parenting your kid(s) is one thing. Parenting other kids is another. It's way harder.

You have your rules and what you all are used to. Conan isn't used to you, nor you to him. Everyone is out of sorts! We are on the stricter side of things.

My kids have a rotation for snacks, as they are walking stomachs. Fruit, Yogurt/granola bar, then probably a snack they like, lol! This is over and over... As for drinks. My kids get their own now, but it was usually water, milk or occasionally juice, and watered down a little. Now, they change it up with a lemonade and ice tea every so often, and when with friends a glass of soda.

As for daily squabbles, we've gotten past that point of every little thing bothers the other. Now... they seem to just separate themselves for their own time.

I wouldn't feel bad. Visits will get easier as he learns the rules and you guys. We stick to our rules in our home, and that goes for anyone. The kids all know that too. If they go to a friends house, house rules are that particular house's rules. Follow them! I think being firm would help, and give him boundaries. Just my thought.

 

[bestcee]

Yep. My son (only child) is learning that he has different rules at our house vs at grandparents (and the kids that live there). And that his cousins have different rules. At his grandparents, he has an uncle younger than him, and two older than him. They have different rules than we do, and so does his cousin that is 6 months older than him. It makes for interesting, but complicated situations.
We stick to the line like Jenn - At our house, this is the rule. Like for food - you must eat 5 bites of dinner. Then you can 'hate it'. I try to make at least one thing that they like - rice or a veggie so I know they will eat something. We also will tell my son "Because we are your parents, not x's". And we are probably the most strict too. But I also look at it like While I want visitors to be comfortable, it's still my home, and my kid is still my responsibility to raise to an adult. So it's hard, but you'll get more comfortable in the future. Just hang in there. First times are always a lot of work! Next time will be easier I bet.

 

[wombat146]

Oh Kimberlee what a time you have had! it is very hard to parent some else's child but as Courtney said, 'our house our rules' is really the only way you can do it. I had 4 children and went through the hassles of getting them 'back to normal' after they had visited their grandparents. Of course that got easier as they grew older. So that is one thing I remember when I have one or some of the grandkids over........ I try not to spoil them with food or no discipline so their parents don't go beserk trying to get them back to a normal routine. I have 8 grandkids and most of them are now young adults and teenagers, with only the three younger ones to cope with but they are pretty good and they know that they can't get away with too much when they come to visit. My only advice would be is to stick to your guns and treat your grandson as you have been, he will soon grow out of it or else get to an age where you can sit him down and explain what your home/house rules are. Of course giving them a lot of love, cuddles and hugs will certainly help them adjust to your way of doing things. Good luck with it all!! xxx

 

[klee73010]

I would have sat him down, explained the food thing in simple terms... yes, you need to eat, but meals are meals, and we don't do snacks here as often as you seem to be used to... leaving the meal for him to eat later is exactly what I would have offered.

When other kids come to our house, we try to be aware of major rules they may have in their homes, but the main rules are ours in our house. And food wise... I will be aware of preferences, and try to make something like that available, but again, our house, this is what we do, especially because we deal with food allergies, too.

My two are constantly bickering, but they also love each other and play.

We've had our nieces over a few times. We were expecting the troublesome behavior from one, because I know my siblings, and because her communication wasn't as well developed as my two... but we actually were surprised how well behaved she was, and how easy it was to understand her. It seemed to me, she just wanted to be talked with, and had some attention paid to her... sad to think how much she doesn't get that at home. Now, I wish I had more time for them to come over more, or that hubby saw that side of it (he just doesn't want my siblings to feel like they can drop them off all the time, or to feel on edge about them being here).

 

[IntenseMagic]

It is more difficult parenting someone else's child, especially when you have such different expectations and stricter rules in place. I'm sure he is testing his boundaries and seeing what he can get away with when he is with you. Whether they show it or not, and even if they buck it for a while, kids really do crave structure and boundaries and limits. Sometimes even kids from stricter homes will test limits in new places, just to see if they are going to have more freedom. And sometimes, kids who come from homes with less structure act out less when in a stricter situation, maybe because they crave having someone care. It's a crap shoot, really LOL.

It's also hard when two or more "only" children come together. None of them are used to sharing their space or things. Kids who live together all the time bicker about those things, so I know it's harder for those that don't. It does get a little easier as they get older because they do kind of take it on themselves to just walk away from certain situations for the most part. I know when my granddaughter visits, she and Chance are the best of buds for a while, and then they really start to get on each others nerves. Chance is not an only child, but he has basically been one for the last 3 years or so since my older two have moved out. He's used to doing things his way and she used to doing things her way.

I think, like others have said, you just have to be clear on what the expectations are at your house and stick to them. I feel sure that no matter what the "rules" are, Conan will also learn to appreciate the love and support you give him and in the long run, that will far outweigh how many snacks you let him have.

 

[cookingmylife]

Oh I feel for you even though I never had any of this kind of issue because we lived half or more a world from my children's grandparents. So in the early days when they were babies (before we moved abroad) I was fine with both sets of grandparents doing whatever they pleased with our children. They raised us so...

I had also heard that my one sister in law sent a full page of what to do or not do with her first born and made our mother in law a nervous wreck lest she do something wrong. That sister in law really was a pain all around though.

So far I've had well behaved grandchildren whose parents seem to have really good family rules and boundaries. Plus they have never come for long visits which is a mixed blessing I know and/or are far away.