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HELP ME!!!

crystalbella77

crystalbella77

Capture life and embrace it
Joined
Sep 19, 2009
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UGH! Ok so lately all I do all day long is pull Ezra and Stella apart. They fight constantly!!! Ezra is the middle child and he's 5 and Stella's the baby and 3. She thinks she's as big as him so she spends all day following him around and trying to take things from him and when he won't let her use his stuff she gets mad and hits or kicks and then he does the same thing back to her which results in her screaming hysterically cause she's a girl and totally dramatic! I feel like the worst mother ever. :( It's so exhausting and I don't have the energy to deal with these two like this day after day on my own. Someone please help me!! Even if you just want to come pick one of them up for a little bit! :helpy
 
Aww!! I'm so sorry honey, this is totally typical tho. For me, I've had this but with all boys so obviously not the same. Somehow still dramatic but prob not as much :rofl I'm sure it's just a stage tho xo
 
When my kids were both under school age (and even now sometimes during school break) we would break up the day into playing separately, playing with each other and all playing together (including Mommy). It really seemed to work for us, and although I thought at first that me playing too was not getting the dishes/laundry/me time/work done it allowed me to model good play behaviours to my children and they were happier playing by themselves or with each other for the rest of the day.
 
Oh I would so take them off your hands!!

I think that's pretty normal Crystal. Livia & Ethan fight constantly as well, whereas Sydney & Ethan get along great {most of the time}.
If at all possible, keep them separated at certain "peak" times throughout the day. Have them doing separate activities. I am constantly explaining to Ethan that he is not old enough just yet to do some things and then I make up an age where he should be able to start doing them "well you have to be 7 {or 8} to do that..., but you can do this instead."

It is exhausting and frustrating. It gets to the point where I don't even want to hear their voices by the end of the day. Usually that's when I know it's going to be an early bedtime. I'm tired, go to bed. lol

Get them some chores to do if they just can't get along. That usually takes their mind off whatever they're made about. Stella could unload the spoons in the dishwasher, while Ezra wipes the bathroom counter, etc.??

I'm with ya'...{{hugs}}
 
Oh no Crystal. :( I'm so sorry you have to do it on your own mostly. :( I have the three girls, so the drama abounds, and they fight constantly. I feel your shout out for help. I love the ideas that the other girls have had so far. Sending some prayers your way for some "togetherness" between your two!
 
uggh. i totally feel your pain. i've sooooo been there. unfortunately, to be truthful, the only thing that got me through it was a LOT of prayer. really.

i think the 'right' approach varies from child to child, so what might have worked for me may or may not work for you.

although i can't really even remember what actually worked for me, besides enduring and clinging to the hope and belief that it would eventually pass, which it did.

i think the biggest thing is to be consistent in what you want to teach them. and keep repeating yourself. like a broken record. and keep doing the same thing over and over. like a broken record. eventually it sinks in - kids learn through modeled behavior & repetition. repetition. repetition. blah.

i have always found though that when my kids are starting to fight more consistently, day to day, that it helps if i make a more concentrated effort to give each of them some individual attention. even if it's only 15 minutes, i think ultimately what they want is to feel like they're being heard in the family and they're not lost in the mix. and those frustrations, at least for my kids, tend to come out in play time. if they are getting that special attention, though, their playtime is much more peaceful as well.

big hugs. good luck. you can do this... and you're NOT the worst mom ever, so don't even think it for a second.
 
Same ages with my girls and it is constant here too; mine are both girls...so it probably even more dramatic.

I wish I knew the magic answer...so if you figure it out will you share?? LOL
 
hate to tell ya, but mine are 9, 9 & 6..... and it's the same thing.... they all wanna be together but drive each other insane... i think it's just normal sibling insanity! ox
 
I feel your pain! My kids are 6,4,3,1 and we have lots of fighting here! We have gotten to the point for the most part that they need to work out their conflicts; I can't be there to always separate them. Other times they are all sent to different rooms until they can play together nice.
 
There's almost nothing I find more stressful than when my kids fight, so I definitely understand your feelings. As a parent, I am big on practical tools that work, so I thought I would share what works for me. Of course, every kid is different, but I hope some of this might help you.
1. Dilley Discipline Ladder. This was developed by the Dilley family for their sextuplets. It's easy to use - very visual and interactive for the kids. I've used it for about 6 years. My kids are very motivated by it. You can find a more detailed explanation here.
2. Kindness Jar - this is specific to their treatment of each other. They each have a jar that they can earn "gems" (which are just glass floral beads) to fill it. I never take gems out. This is strictly a positive reinforcement for showing patience with each other, sharing a favorite toy, paying a compliment, etc. Whenever they do something like this, I say "Ohhhh, that's GEM behavior!!! I love how (for example) you helped your sister clean up!" Then, I give them a few gems to put in their jars. When the jar is full, they earn a special treat or an outing one-on-one with me or DH. I find that this continuous positive reinforcement of the kind of behavior I want to see really helps them to stay on the right track. It has cut the fighting down to almost (almost!) nothing at my house.
3. Discipline - Just as an FYI, the overall system that I use for my kids is one of discipline instead of punishment. As a Christian mom, I make a big distinction between discipline (guidance & actively training them in the way they should go) versus punishment (punitive and/or reactive). For the last 10 years, I have used a method called Discipline without Damage, which I highly recommend. Sibling fights is one of the big things addressed in the program. They have lots of "magic handles" that deal with this issue.

OK, I just realized that I wrote a book. It was probably more than you wanted/needed to know! I hope it helps though. :)
 
thanks you guys. I just feel better knowing I am not alone I guess. It's really wearing me down and I am sooooo irritable lately. :(

Laura, you know I love any and all advice you have for me...in like every area. I feel like you are my mentor!
 
Awww sorry sweetheart! I would totally watch one of them for you if we were closer. I'm sorry I don't have any good advice, but sounds like the other girls have you covered. Don't you dare think you're a bad mom though! :*
 
i also think its a sibling thing,mine do it but are getting better as they get older and when i mention it to others they say oh mine are like that and ther 10 and 2 etc so i dont think its age i just think its sibling rivalry,me and my sister fought like cat and dog but now get on great
 
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