Ugh. I just have to vent for a moment. I can't stand when dads say they have to "babysit" their own kids. It isn't babysitting if it is your kid as far as I'm concerned. Kennedy's dad is so completely frustrating. He brags about what a good dad he is. His mom also brags (to Jessica) about what a good dad Cody is. I just want to spit nails when I hear that. For some history... Cody threatened to kill himself if Jessica followed through with the pregnancy, and then he harassed her so much, she had to get his number blocked from her phone. He didn't even tell his mom that he had a child in the world. The only way she got child support was because the state went after Cody, so he pays $125 a month through garnishment because he won't pay on his own. He came by a couple of times when Kennedy was really small, but basically just to feed himself from our fridge/cupboards (without permission) and use our wi-fi. Other than those couple of visits, he wasn't around for the first four years of Kennedy's life because he couldn't be bothered and didn't want to have anything to do with him. So now he finally decides he wants to be "dad" and is around as long as it is convenient for him. But it is incredibly frustrating because he really doesn't act like a dad. Even though he's almost 30 years old, he acts like a juvenile. He takes Kennedy two afternoons a week (after school) and brings him home around 7:30 so he has him a total of 8 hours a week. About 40% of the time, he doesn't feed him, and then I have to hurry and feed Kennedy before putting him to bed. I've tried putting an "emergency" sandwich in Kennedy's backpack, but then Cody really doesn't feed him because he has a sandwich along. Until just recently (because I threw a fit), he didn't have Kennedy do any homework, so I'd have to scramble and have Kennedy do it before school the next morning. He doesn't have anything that Kennedy might need at his apartment, so I have to send things with Kennedy that he might need. Most of the time, Cody keeps them (if it is something he can use himself), and then I have to replenish the supply (Kennedy had an infected finger that had to be treated 3x a day, so I sent hydrogen peroxide with him, and he just kept it there even though he brought Kennedy back and wasn't going to have him there). He can't even do something simple like have a glue stick or a bottle of vitamins for Kennedy. So tonight, I asked Jessica what time Cody was picking Kennedy up tomorrow. She's working, and it is winter break, so he was supposed to have him for the day. Cody said he didn't realize it was still winter break (even though she'd told him last week), and then he told her that he was probably going to be by around "noon-ish" which will mean closer to 1-2. She texted back and said that Kennedy has a doctor appointment at 10 am. Cody wrote back and said he'd still be there around noon and that I could just take Kennedy to the appointment because he's "exhausted." From what? Partying and playing video games and Dungeons & Dragons all night. And I'm *not* exhausted? Grrrrrrrr. I just want to smack him upside his head. He's lucky I don't want to be arrested for assault. It just makes me so mad, and I have to try to force myself to remain neutral for Kennedy's sake. Ugh ugh ugh. Sometimes for fun, I plot evil things that I could do to him that wouldn't cause him permanent bodily harm. And if you try to tell him something, he never listens and only tries to argue about every.little.thing. If Jessica tries suggesting a way of dealing with things, she'll get hours of long text arguments from him that just seem to never stop. He'll even continue on the next day trying to prove himself right (even if it is completely illogical). He's one of those people who would say the sky was pink if you say it is blue. Do you have experience dealing with people like that?
oh toxic people are just that toxic...I hate that you have to deal with it and especially when you have to be the adult in it all. I know Kennedy will see ya'lls behavior, and pray he takes the high road you are showing him. I ache for Kennedy, it is just the pits for him. I try to keep toxic people at a long distance. so sorry you have to incorporate it in your life...perhaps, it is time for a secret code to use for Cody and his antics. Perhaps have a two liter of coke in fridge with a fake medicine label...called the Cody antivenom. Finding humor, is how I have to deal with it...hope you can find a giggle or two!
This? Nothing drives me crazier than hearing that phrase! Regardless of whether it's split parenting, or one house parenting. Seriously. It's a pet peeve of mine. My dad says it all the time! And I always respond - no, you aren't. They are your kids too! I'm sorry you have the drama and toxicity of dealing with it all. We've had the crazy custody issues, and other crap in our family (inevitable probably when there are 9 kids with different personalities). I'm glad you have a venting option. Lots of for you.
Yeah a pet peeve of mine as well. I'm sorry you have to go through it all, when it's not even your job. But Cody will one day appreciate it and it's great that you try to stay neutral when Cody's around. That has to be hard. You are doing great though I'm sure. You are giving Cody so much stability and love. Hugs to you and a big salute or something. It's great that you are there for him and Jessica.
Hugs to you Kimberley. I'm just going to say that you are a fabulous grandmother and that Jessica and Kennedy are extremely lucky to have you in their lives.
Kim, just do what you are doing for Kennedy. He will know his Mom and Grandmother are the ones giving him love and stability. You can't make Cody do the right thing by his son. I wouldn't be surprised if when Kennedy gets older he figures this all out for himself. Don't get aggravated. Do what you need to for your daughter and Grandson. If Cody does something for his son, in a positive way, that is a good thing. Just don't depend as then you won't be disappointed. You and your daughter are giving Kennedy a wonderful home and all the love he needs. Don't fret re the other Grandmother and what she says, and / or the actions of his Dad Cody. Don't let them rent space in your head.. not healthy for anyone. Kennedy will know the real deal Merry Christmas and Happy New Year!
I hear it from some Dads, occasionally, and I just keep my mouth shut. I have a tendency to "ask" rather than tell my husband (or anyone), since I do most of the scheduling and get coverage when the boys are off or I need someone to watch them. I don't call it babysitting, but somehow he always give me that look... and says he doesn't "watch" the kids, since he is their father. He gets mad at me... so I'm opposite. I think it falls into "I'm better asking with honey than acid." I don't know. DH and I are very supportive of each other, and that extends beyond the kids - housework, alone time, friend time, etc. We're a team, and we are lucky we get along so well.
I have experience with this... from the kid's perspective! My "real dad" or bio-dad was not present for many years, and then we did the shipping kids back and forth for awhile, too. My mom did her absolute best to not speak ill of him in front of us, but when I was old enough to see it and realize it on my own, I asked my step-dad to adopt me.... He did. There are some things I remember about this situation, like being in charge of my youngest sister when at his house because "she wakes up to early" (I was probably 9 or 10... she was 1 or 2). Or all the promises he didn't keep... or all the times he refused to pay the child support he repeatedly had lowered and lowered to finally around $100 for 3 girls (he'd quit his job when his pay starting being garnished)... and after we were adopted, the agreement was that he'd pay a lump sum of back child support, which he didn't, so his pay was garnished again. Then had the audacity to invote us to a dinner to "celebrate" when the payments were done several years later. In any case. I was (still am sometimes) very bitter about how he was with us. The good news is that he did turn it around for his two youngest (after us). My half brothers got more of a father figure than we did. He was present for as much of their lives as their mom let him. Now those boys are 16 and 18 I think... or something like that. Older teenage boys. And he has been very present with them, and as far as I know, a good dad for them, too. Anyway. The kids figure it out for themselves in the end. I am soooooo grateful I learned on my own without my mother speaking badly about him. As an adult, I know how hard that really must have been, and am even more grateful. My mother is amazing. ♡♡♡♡♡ hugs to you and Jessica trying to deal with him.
I haven't had to deal with that but I send you much sympathy! I hope your good times with Kennedy far outweigh the frustrations!
I so feel for you and I know it's incredibly frustrating. But as others have said, just do what you do and love him to pieces like you do. Kennedy will know and understand one day, and it will be Cody's loss in the end. Kennedy has amazing people in his life who love are care about him. Hugs to you all!!
1. is there a parenting plan in place??? If not, dare I say - let "dad" be 100000% responsible for all commuication. If he wants him, he has to communicate etc. If he doesn't follow through, ooopsie - you take a trip to walmart w the kid in tow Yes, its more work up front but you'll either 1) teach him to work with the boundaries 2) he will fade out and sometimes that isn't such a bad thing yes - I've been through this with my husband's crazy ex.
He is a toxic person and I'm sorry you have to deal with him. Just keep loving Jessica and Kennedy --- that's what will be remembered in the long run.
Been there done that. HUGS to you. And plotting nasty falls that won't kill him is totally acceptable!!! ROFL
