Advice pretty please!!

Discussion in 'Chatty Pad' started by mimisgirl, Sep 9, 2019.

  1. mimisgirl

    mimisgirl It's all about ME!

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    So last Friday evening I was happily working away on my computer while the kiddos played. They were a bit rowdy, so I told them to take that kind of playing outside (same thing I have said for the past 5 years!) They decided they did not want to go outside and continued to play a bit calmer.

    Five minutes later a toy flies through the air and hits my glass that is sitting next to my computer, tips it over and it spills all over my laptop. :(

    Three days later I find out that the motherboard is fried and it is going to cost me $600 or more to get it replaced.

    I suggested that the kids needed to help me pay for this, as it was their rough play that lead to the disaster - but my husband disagrees and thinks they should not have to help at all because they were just playing and it was my fault for having liquid near my computer.

    When I was a kid I had to pay for broken windows, dents in cars, etc. that were caused by my playing near an expensive object that broke. So I am confused by his reasoning.

    Am I being unreasonable to suggest they pay for at least half? Am I too close and "upset" because it was something I cherished that broke? I am asking sincerely because I don't want to be THAT parent, but I also want my kids to learn responsibility.

    I should also mention - the computer is my main way of working so for this week that it is in the shop I get NO work done either.

    What are your thoughts?
     
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  2. jesskab

    jesskab Watch me sizzle & twizzle

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    They must pay, absolutely. I agree with your reasoning & totally disagree with your husband on this. They need to learn.
     
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  3. gonewiththewind

    gonewiththewind I choose joy.

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    Do your children have jobs where they earn money? Like outside jobs, not allowance? If so, then YES, I would have them pay for a portion of the repair.

    If they are young and don't have a way to pay for the repair, then they would "pay" another way for not following parental instructions. Like, they wouldn't have access to technology for a certain amount of time (at least as long as you are without your laptop), or they would have some other form of punishment.

    Why yes, I'm a mean mommy.
     
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  4. HeatherB

    HeatherB Ain't nothin wrong with a few dust bunnies!

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    There should definitely be a consequence. If the kids have a way to save up money, then paying for part of the cost is certainly reasonable. Otherwise, like already mentioned, having an alternative consequence (no technology while mommy is without her laptop) is a good choice and will make a lasting impression.
     
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  5. IntenseMagic

    IntenseMagic College was bad for my reputation

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    I absolutely agree with you! I work with kids every day who have never seen consequences for their actions and it shows. You had asked them to settle down already and they made the choice to get rowdy again. You are an adult and if you choose to have a drink near your computer you should be able to do that. We need to teach kids to be responsible, not remove all the things that help them to learn. Yep, mean mom here, too :).
     
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  6. BevG

    BevG If I can't remember it, it didn't happen

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    Another mean mom here - just sayin. I bet there is lots and lots of house that needs cleaning over and over again if they don't have any money. Maybe that is why I hate to clean---my mom used extra chores as a punishment quite often.
     
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  7. bellbird

    bellbird Pollywog

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    if i was sitting here with a drink (like i was a minute a go), my DH would side with your DH (saying i should know better) but he'd also say it was half the kids fault (esp. if they are old enough to know better) so i think there should be consequences for them as well (not having a computer seems punishment enough for you!)
     
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  8. amien1

    amien1 I do enjoy a good exclamation point!

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    I agree with cheryl- yes they should pay- but depending on ages & income- maybe pay with chores or projects around the house. My husband would NOT allow the kids to pull $ out of their bank accounts (even their earned money he is a stickler on leaving it in the bank & saving it) but there are lots of ways they can work it off! ;) ;)
     
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  9. Tree City

    Tree City Get a stepladder, I'm busy

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    Add me to the mean mom list. :) Actually, without any preamble I read your post to my family--DH, DD12 and DS7. ALL of them said there should be a punishment but what it should be varied. Long story short, we all said basically what others here have said: base the discipline on their (in)ability to pay it back. (Although, for some teens, "no technology for you until I get my laptop back" may be a bigger punishment than telling them to hand over a paycheck or two and it relates the punishment to the crime, which I'm a fan of.) If they're young/young-ish and you're convinced they need to help pay for the repairs, then perhaps you could come up with a chore list and each item has a monetary value. DD gets $5/week in allowance and she about fainted when I read that you want the kids to pay half. (I'm not saying they shouldn't pay half ... I'm saying that from my tween's standpoint $300 is a lot--it's over a years' worth of allowance.)

    I meant to say that I hope your laptop gets fixed asap! It's so frustrating to be without it, especially if it's how you work.
     
    Last edited: Sep 9, 2019
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  10. mimisgirl

    mimisgirl It's all about ME!

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    They are 12 and 7 - they get paid to do little chores around the house - but I was actually thinking more along the lines of they would need to do extra work, or lose a privilege/device, etc. - something we worked out together.

    This is what I am thinking too - but my husband seems to think it is unreasonable - like I should hold all the responsibility and I just can't get my head around that.

    THIS! This is what I was thinking.

    I totally agree that I am partly to blame - BUT - I have a drink everyday with my work - and I have been working on a computer for over 15 years and NEVER had this happen. I did spill coffee once, but not like this - and it did not hurt my computer at all. - Which is why I don't feel that they need to work off ALL the cost - but if I do nothing what is to keep them from doing it again? - And maybe next time it will be his computer?!

    Oh definitely! I won't let them either - plus I don't think the lesson would be learned as well if they just pulled it out like that.

    It is for mine as well! Which is part of the point I wanted to make with them. I saved up for this particular one for over a year - and it still took me a while to completely pay it off. - It was a big purchase for me meant to help further my business - and it has - but they don't really respect it. I guess I just want them to actually have a twinkling of an understanding for how much devices cost.
     
  11. Eyeore

    Eyeore Think it over, think it under

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    I often have drinks close to my pc and on the one occasion I spilt it over my keyboard I had to pay for the replacement.

    If you often do this and have never spilt your drink then, yes the children should pay half as they were disobedient. I had a similar discussion with my son (final year law student) the (South African) law says that if it is likely to happen anyway the guilty person is less guilty. So a young man hit an 8 year old crossing the road, he was drunk and didn't have a license and when he got a 4 year sentence I thought that was incredibly light. My son reckons if she was crossing the road irresponsibly and it was likely that anyone would have knocked her over - that would explain his "light" sentence.
     
  12. cookingmylife

    cookingmylife Pizza would be my last meal, except ...

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    @mimisgirl Mean? not at all. Children need consequences and if YOU had knocked over that glass you would have had the full $$ consequence. How your chicks 'pay' for it is up to you whether money or unpaid jobs etc. But yes, I would have mine pay if they were still children. (all long gone from the house)

    My gut reaction was about the glass though as my dh has done this on his own twice (that I know of...) and Macs ain't cheap. Fortunately, I work on an iMac and only my EHDs could be in danger. Thus, I only use lidded Contigo kind of glasses by my baby. :giggle
     
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  13. jk703

    jk703 CEO of Anything and Everything, Everywhere

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    I agree with you and most everyone. Yes, whatever way you feel is best for each child, to pay a portion of the damages. Loss of privileges, money, more chores or a little of everything. My kids needed to learn from consequences. Add me to the mean mom list... and proud of it. :)
     
  14. djp332

    djp332 Dude. They're on your head ...

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    I agree. But also, get a lid for that cup!
     
  15. wvsandy

    wvsandy Grinning Granny

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    I agree with you. Kids need to be held responsible for their actions/choices and at 12 and 7 they are old enough to understand consequences. I like the no technology for a period of time.
     
  16. Karen

    Karen Alarm off, brunch ON

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    Yep... I'm agreeing with you and most here... they should have a consequence of some degree. I like whoever said no devices until yours is fixed. That would hurt my boys the most. But also a monetary responsibility would be good too. Make them work extra chores to help pay for it. Or better yet... go help neighbors with their yard work to earn actual extra money to help you pay for your new computer.
     
  17. mimisgirl

    mimisgirl It's all about ME!

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    Thanks guys!

    We were finally able to sit down and talk this out - husband said he realized he was being unreasonable (after the little guy stumbled into him while he was working on a project and bumped his project, lol Dad was not happy so Mom took a moment to point out a few points mentioned above) :)

    I appreciate your encouragement, and all the ideas. I think we have settled on something that we can all agree make sense in regards to what happened.

    Now to just get myself a machine to work on again, lol!
     
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  18. gonewiththewind

    gonewiththewind I choose joy.

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    It always changes when they experience what we're complaining about, right? LOL Well, we all "get it" when it affects us personally. Soooo glad y'all were able to come to a resolution together!
     
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