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That made me giggle. Sorry.
It might just win over your heart, we'll see :)
I NEEDED this laugh!!! Thank you!!
I just read about a woman who used a Slinky (yup, the toy!) to keep squirrels out of her bird feeder. She looped it around the pole and the squirrles can't figure out how to climb it and it freaks them out. Anyway, maybe that'd work for you? You can Google "Slinky bird feeder" to see all the ways people have tried this. And as others have said, thanks for the giggle!
You'd be surprised to know that there are a lot of song lyrics about squirrels! lol