This is so me. I'm always taking on more than I should and really need to learn how to say "NO" without feeling guilty. How about you, do you bite off more than you can chew or can you say no nicely without feeling guilty?
I can say No quite easily. Especially the further away you are from my heart. Close family and friends get a yes. But after that if it becomes too much, No rolls off my tongue quite easily. No need to be a people pleaser. Don't do guilt either. Life's too short.
saying no used to be a huge problem, but not anymore. Although I do have some projects that have become much longer term than I had envisioned. I just decide that wasn't for this Christmas - it's for next Christmas, or similar.
Yes, I have this problem too. I tend to feel guilty for saying no when someone asks for help or for a favour. Now I'm slowly learning to be more assertive and less permissive.. it's challenging though, but I think I'll get better with practice.
It used to be real difficult for me, but I'm getting quite good at it. Also, learn to say "no" and make no excuse!
The make no excuse part is the hardest for me right now. I know I shouldn't have to justify myself but I always seem to need to. Baby steps is my mantra right now. Take everything in baby steps.
I used to be awful about this. If someone asked me to do something I would say yes if I could do it... like if it was something I was capable of or if I had a minute of free time. I was like you where I felt I had to have a good excuse or already have something planned for my time or else I should say yet. But then I'd always get overwhelmed by all of the things I had on my plate and the older I get, the better I am at saying no to things that I just don't have time for. I am learning that the stress it adds to my plate carries over to my family and that's not fair to them.
Getting older makes it easier to know what your priorities are and that makes it easier to say no, but I still have problems. I am a people pleaser, but I also know when I will lose it if I had one more thing to what I'm doing.
I want to say yes to everything. Partly because I just want to do all the things, partly because I'm a people pleaser, partly because I like to "get things done" and often feel I can do it better than others (yes, it's a huge fault of mine!) But I've learned to think about priorities. How is it going to affect the most important things in my life/family? Is it going to take responsibility away from somebody else who should be doing it?
During university this was so me and even when I was working in a large team.Classmates would ask me for help or things and I’d people please and help them out. Or, workmates knew I’d say yes and take on the shift that finished at 10 or 11pm so they could finish at 7 or 8pm (and go out partying or drinking by the way). It’s only with time that I’ve realised it’s ok to put me first (even more so now with my health) and say no. Sometimes saying yes isn’t worth the stress for little or no return.
I used to have a hard time saying no, and people knew they could guilt me into doing anything they didn't want to do. Now I have an easy time saying no, and those "friends" aren't around anymore. Sad, but true. That's life!
This is so me. I like to get things done and I feel like if I don't do it, it won't get done correctly. I'm slowly realizing that sometimes it's best to say no so others can grow.
When I was a young mom of 3, I had trouble saying no. People have such a way of making you feel guilty. Someone asked me if I would join some committee for the good of the community. I stopped, as I was thinking, "what good is it for me to make my community better when I'm leaving my kids to go to yet another meeting?" I just said, "No, I can't do that." She said, but if you don't do it, it won't get done." I looked her straight in the eye and said, "Then I guess it won't get done." She had no come-back. That has been my mantra ever since. Somehow "it" always does get done!
I heard a friend once say to someone else about me " don't bother,when she says no she means it " . It is true, I feel guilty, but I still say no.
@cookingmylife I really don't know. I attended a boundary course years back and realized that I am the kind of person that can push against others' boundaries to "encourage" them to do what I wanted and I just stopped that. I find that no is an answer and I don't have to justify myself. If others push I don't feel rude, I see it as them being rude and not hearing what I am saying. Hubby is much more of a people pleaser than I am. But also he is one of 4.
