I feel lost

Discussion in 'Chatty Pad' started by cinna, Jul 30, 2019.

  1. cinna

    cinna The Force is ALWAYS with me ...

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    So - this is TOTALLY not scrap related but I have to vent somewhere since this keeps tearing me apart.

    I feel lost when it comes to my job. I work full-time as a teacher and I have super anxiety about going back to work again. I don't really know if it has to do with the job itself or if it´s because where I work at the moment.

    I had the worst meeting with my boss before I went on my summer leave. He really made me feel like I couldn't do my job (and I have been working for almost 20 years) and even said that due to ONE incident I had made a misconduct in my line of duty. I was totally devastated after that - I even cried at the meeting - and when I talked to my colleagues afterwards they all expressed that they thought he was wrong (and sadly not the only one that was having problems with our principals). I looked things up after a couple of days after the meeting and I couldn't find anything that would qualify for being a misconduct.

    I love the people I work with and everyone at work tells me not to think too much about what my boss said at that meeting since he talks first and then thinks.
    But this has killed my joy over being a teacher and made my doubt grow very strong.

    Work starts in about two weeks from now and it almost makes me sick to think about it.

    I am thinking HARD on what I would do if I wouldn't teach but I feel lost....

    Sorry - but I just had to get this out of my system. Can't write or say anything about anywhere else except talking with family that is.

    What do you think I should do????
    Hugs <3
     
  2. Jan

    Jan I'm sorry, I can't. I'm busy doing nothing!

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    I'm so sorry this has happened to you. Teachers are so special and they really have a tough job. If you are feeling sick about going back to work that's double hard. Did your principal tell you what the misconduct incident was? If he didn't then maybe you should visit with him again and find out what he felt that was. Find out where you stand on that. Maybe he is blowing things out of proportion. And if you still feel sick about it all then maybe consider taking a break from working for a bit. I deal with stress and anxiety a lot, too. And I know that if something is bothering me that bad then I need to step away from it for a while. Put a little distance between it and me. I hope you can feel better about all of this soon.
     
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  3. cookingmylife

    cookingmylife Pizza would be my last meal, except ...

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    Cinna, I know you're not in the US so I don't know what laws apply or how in Sweden. I feel so bad for you because getting a review that harsh would set most anyone on a downward spiral. While it's late in the game, I too would suggest going to your principal or if you teachers are unionized, to your union rep or perhaps a Human Resource person in your school. If your boss is the principal I'd ask to see a specific incident that you are being 'charged' with. Here in the US it's not finished until the employee signs the statement annotation the incident.

    I have a young friend who did something at work that was a serious offense but in reality it was justified because they were so short staffed that day. It was being caught between the rock and the hard place. Fortunately her supervisor is fair and while she said she had to write my friend up, and it would go on her record, she undestood and it was only because their HQ company would fault her if she had not recorded the incident. (It had been a case of do you do the important and necessary A or do you do the important and necessary B? There's no winning in that kind of situation.)

    I don't know If you can financially leave your job for a semester or a year, but I learned from my mother that no job is worth killing yourself over. I left a good job when I was in the kind of situation where I thought ...If I have an automobile accident, I won't have to go to work today. Not Good!!!! love and hugs and wishes for an answer for you.
     
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  4. mom2jackaia

    mom2jackaia I wish more people were fluent in silence

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    As a teacher I find that who you work for can really make or break the experience. Are there other schools you can look for jobs at? I left one school when a job opened up at another one with a more supportive principal and it has made all the difference in how I feel about teaching. Teaching students is the part of the job that we all love but there are a lot of parts surrounding that, that can make it almost impossible.
     
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  5. AJK

    AJK I plead the 5th ...

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    @cinna
    Carina,
    You have a tender heart. Most teachers do. And they also usually have a strong sense of justice. If you have been wrongly accused, you have to know that in your heart. I used to have this quote by John Wooden on my classroom desk: "Be more concerned with your character than your reputation; because your character is who you really are, while your reputation is merely what others think you are." I agree that it might be good to ask for clarification, but you must firm up your resolve that you ARE who you believe you are and don't let anyone sway you. Don't give anyone power to intimidate or belittle you. You can't control what they do, but you do have power over your own response. I applaud you for teaching and will pray for a resolution to this that brings your heart peace and joy.
     
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  6. QuiltyMom

    QuiltyMom I'll never run out of things to do!

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    Oh sweetie, my heart goes out to you. I'm so sorry that you're under this kind of stress. I've found in these types of situations the other person is usually on a power trip and feels they need to assert who's "boss" if they feel threatened by someone else's success.

    I'd start looking for a new placement. It might not happen for another year (I'm not sure when your annual contracts need to be signed), but sometimes something may open up mid-year due to illness, maternity leave, or the like.

    My sister and brother-in-law have been in this type of atmosphere in their teaching jobs for the past few years. They're both nearing retirement so they literally have a countdown calendar - my sister three years and my BiL one year. They just go along with whatever the administration wants, whether they agree with them or not, just to get through each day.

    Please know that you are an amazing person and truly have your student's well being as your top priority. We all make mistakes. Try to focus on the students rather than the administration. And if this principal continues to be mean to you, go to his supervisor and complain. Bullies come in all forms and just tell them you won't be bullied without reason.

    I'll be praying for you! And remember, there's always chocolate...
     
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  7. IntenseMagic

    IntenseMagic Some grannies cuss a lot. I'm some grannies.

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    I'm so sorry, Cinna! It is so difficult to work when you don't have a great supportive administration. I swear that some go in to that position for the power trip. I'm heading in to year 31 of teaching and I've seen the good and the bad. Is there another school you could go to? I know it's late in the game now, but maybe? The best advice I can give is to just go in and do what you do...love those kids and teach them. Don't lose your confidence and rely on the support of other teachers around you, it sounds like you all need it! I'm glad you seem to have good co-workers! It makes me so sad to see teachers lose their joy. I'm wishing you the best!!
     
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  8. Karen

    Karen Wiggle it, just a little bit!

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    Lots of great advice above. I am not a teacher so I don't know exactly how you feel, but my two best friends are teachers and my kids go to the school where they teach, so I'm heavily involved there and I know how AWFUL they have felt when we used to have a really BAD principal several years ago. He was on a power trip trying to make himself feel powerful by belittling those teachers he should have been supporting. I hosted many wine nights at my house for all the teachers at the school so they could come and vent and feel supported in the injustices that they faced all year long at his hands. I think that they definitely drew strength from each other by talking and realizing that his behavior was really showing his weakness for good leadership and not their weakness as teachers. I hope that you will be able to do the same if you go back to school. Do you have any way to talk to your fellow teacher before you go back to help ease your anxiety? Maybe that will help you feel less alone with your worry? If this was an isolated incident, I would also suggest meeting with your boss to talk through the incident he's citing you for and tell him that you can't find anywhere that supports his claim that it was misconduct. Maybe if you're able to be heard, you could get it straightened out before the beginning of the school year and you'll be able to get back to teaching the kids and not worrying about your boss.
     
  9. QuiltyMom

    QuiltyMom I'll never run out of things to do!

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    This is a great idea. While it’ll be hard to do, not only does asking for proof show you’re being proactive about the situation, but it also sends the message that you can’t be bullied. Hang in there!
     
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  10. cinna

    cinna The Force is ALWAYS with me ...

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    Thank you all for your kind words and advices. <3
    I have been thinking about looking for another place to work - but I haven't got the motivation do put up with it right now. I just can't put on my happy face and go through an interview. But this is definitely on my list and I hope that I will be able to do just that soon.
    In my heart I think it is the best thing I can do for myself.

    I´ve only worked there for about 2,5 years but ended up with the principals pet (a 27 year old that gets away with almost anything and got almost all the credits for all the good things we accomplished with our class). I only found that out after been working with her for a little more than a year. Many of my colleagues have approached me about this and saying that they would NEVER choose to work with her because of this. I've even got coworkers that have stood up for me on staff meetings to point out that she isn't alone with the class ...
    If I would show you a pic of what she's wearing in class (and we teach grade 4-6 with kids aged 10-12) I think you would be shocked.

    I am NOT working with her this upcoming year so that is always something.
     
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  11. cinna

    cinna The Force is ALWAYS with me ...

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    Luckily I have some fellow teachers that I can talk to that understands so that is really good.
    I think your suggestion about talking to my boss is good but I am afraid that it will have no effect - I have talked with him before about things and it´s like hitting a brick wall.
    Thanks for the advice! <3
     
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  12. Karen

    Karen Wiggle it, just a little bit!

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    Blah! I know those types of people too, but I guess it's good to know that ahead of time, so you know not to waste your breath. I'm glad you won't be working with the same girl again so she won't be able to steal all your credit again. I really hope that a new year will bring a clean slate and help you feel better about going back to work. Sending you big hugs!
     
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  13. gonewiththewind

    gonewiththewind I choose joy.

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    Oh @cinna ~ I never went into teaching because of some negative interactions with administration during my student teaching. I was super upset at the time because I had spent four long years getting my education, but it all worked out (having hindsight does give you 20/20 vision sometimes).

    My mom taught in the same area for over 30 years before she retired. She had a great reputation among her fellow teachers and with students and parents, but she had her own run-ins with administration over the years. Her secret? She focused on the children. Every single time, she would somehow amazingly be able to set everything aside to help the children under her care. That's my only advice I can give you at this point since it's so close to school starting again and you may not have options for transferring.

    Keeping you in my thoughts and prayers as you navigate the first few weeks AND praying for your administrator that he has a change of heart and becomes kinder.
     
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  14. KarenB

    KarenB I like dogs. And maybe three people.

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    One of my best friends is a teacher and a similar thing happened to her. I hate how teachers are so easily criticised when they work so hard and from the heart. The politics in schools can be so hard to deal with too e.g the principals pet!
    Accusing you of misconduct is such a serious thing. You should definitely seek a detailed explanation from your boss. Please don't let his cruel words fill you will doubt and kill your joy at being a teacher. I have seen it happen too many times to friends and colleagues.
    I'm sorry I don't really have any more useful advice. Just stay strong, take support from your fellow teachers and sending good vibes your way for an improvement in your situation.
     
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  15. bellbird

    bellbird Pollywog

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    I'm so sad to read this & it's more saddening to read talking to your boss is like talking to a brick wall - I wish it was something I could help with, I hope your situation improves as well & am glad you have colleagues willing to stand up for you also
     
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  16. cookingmylife

    cookingmylife Pizza would be my last meal, except ...

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    Prayers and hugs to you Carina @cinna We're behind you from all over the world. Think of that when you feel down.:grouphug
     
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  17. cinna

    cinna The Force is ALWAYS with me ...

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    THANK YOU everyone for your encouraging and kind words! :bk
    They mean a lot for me.
    I start working again on Monday and I am gonna go in there with my head up high knowing in my heart I didn't do anything wrong.
    When I feel stronger again I am so looking for a new place to work.

    I have great support from my hubby too and he's telling me to look into the possibility of working less hours which I think also could help.

    (((hugs))) to you all!
     
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  18. jesskab

    jesskab Watch me sizzle & twizzle

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    I am so sorry. I know how you're feeling. I have a new boss who does things very differently & I'm so set in my routine, it's driving me nuts. I think the best thing you can do is let it go. I know it sucks, but you need to know your own worth. Hang in there.
     
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  19. ashleywb

    ashleywb Sand in my toes

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    I just wanted to say I'm so sorry you are going through this. One of my good friends is a teacher who also is really struggling with her principal and it is so discouraging. I hope that with some better communication you will be able to come to an agreement and if not then you won't let it keep you from something you love.
     
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  20. Dalis

    Dalis Jose Cuervo is NOT a good friend

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    @cinna , I think you need to figure out what this "incident" is and how it is portrayed in your folder. If anything has gone into your record you are supposed to be able to see how it portrays you. Also, you are allowed to add a letter in your folder that says what happened from your perspective. I wish you luck, we need good teachers out there so don't give up on the little ones! (specially 4-6 graders, they need so much love)
     
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