StefanieS, Jan 11, 2021
For MOC_11 Tell me a story
I used Allison Pennington's A long winter's nap.

I have 909 words. It just all poured out.

From the time I was a little girl, I wanted to be a wife and a mother. I wanted the house with the white picket fence. Even though my parents separated when I was 4, I knew that I wanted something different. I wanted a big family, not a lonely only for me. My life turned out as I imagined it. Met Andrew, fell in love got married and worked for 4 years. I got married young so knew that I could wait to have children and that I wasn’t ready to spend 18 years raising an adult.

At my 25th birthday Andrew sat me down and said that he was ready, could we start a family. It took me a few month to wrap my head around it. But then I decided ok, we can do this. On the 2nd of January 1992 I was 11 weeks pregnant and went for my first scan, excited, we had the video cassette in hand. The Dr wasted no time in delivering the news that our baby had died two weeks previously. What? Yes, I had noticed that the nausea was diminishing but thought that was “just” me heading out of the first trimester. Nope, turns out that the baby had died and the placenta was detaching and I could go home and miscarry naturally or book a gynae appointment and have a D&C. I chose option B. Could not bear the thought of waiting to miscarry. It was hard, we hadn’t told many people and so there was not a lot of sympathy. I struggled with that loss for quite some time. Not having a baby to mourn and yet mourning all the same. We gave my body some time to heal and then tried again. I wasn’t excited about being pregnant again, the possibility of losing this baby too, would my body fail me? But the pregnancy was smooth sailing. The baby grew and grew inside me and I started to worry about giving birth and how painful that would be. In the end Joshua was induced and I had a healthy baby boy. It was so much harder than I could have ever imagined. Days would go by and I kept him alive and made dinner for hubby. That was it. Often I was still in my nightie when he got home. The house an absolute shambles and all I had done was take care of the baby.

Falling pregnant for the third time happened easily again. I didn’t even know I was pregnant until I was 10 weeks along. This time I was happy and confident and even though my baby bump was small I was feeling good. Baby seemed active and healthy and would have hiccups every afternoon. At my 20 week check up the first sign of a red flag glimmered. Baby was small for date and seemed to have some genetic abnormalities. Second opinion. More detailed scan. Problems for sure. No one knew just what, did I want to terminate. No, no I did not. I absolutely had faith that God would heal and fix her. Well His healing and fixing was different to what I expected. Little Sarah was with me for 9 days. I got to hold her, feed her and love her and then she went to heaven. I was gutted. I clung to my son and wondered what had gone wrong. I knew where she was but I also knew it was different to what I wanted. She was healed and whole and playing with the butterflies in heaven but my arms were empty and my heart was sore. We heard that we both carried some extremely rare recessive gene and that ¼ children we conceived could have the same thing.

I felt that God owed me a healthy son and 6 months later Caleb was conceived. He was perfect. All 10 fingers and toes, a very loud scream and colic for the first three months. Two sons was exactly what my mother had wanted when all she got was me. I was the happy mother of boys. The bickering, the refereeing, the cheering them on, cleaning up after them. Endless cooking and driving around. Still being a stay at home mom was what I had always dreamed of. No one told me that it was going to be so very hard.

Three years later I discovered (shockingly as we were not going to take the risk again) I was expecting. This time I hoped it would be a little pink one. My heart yearned for a daughter to dress up and treasure. And it was. Rosie was born healthy and pink and totally changed our family for the best.

32 years of marriage, children aged 27, 24 and 21 and I did it, I raised them (with God’s help and many prayers) to be fully functioning adults. I was there, at the school events, I wiped tears, nursed, drove, taught, cooked, worried and more through those seemingly unending child rearing years. But now looking back over 32 years of marriage, 5 pregnancies I can truly say it was all worth it and I would have it no other way. The things we have grown through have made us who we are. I am looking forward to our golden years, but still enjoying these adult kids at home years (thanks covid) because I know how fleeting this season will be.
nhudao and ajm like this.
    • cfile
      So beautiful is your story telling, Stefanie. I cannot even imagine. I never had any children of my own so I can only imagine losing the first one and also Sarah - how hard that must have been and still is. My mom had a stillborn the year before me.. he was full term and died in uterus the day after her birthday. I still think of the baby they lost, but I would not be here as my Mom got pregnant with me as soon as possible, 3 months after she lost him. Things happen for a reason (we don't know what they are sometimes) and I am so glad your family became whole with the addition of Joshua, Caleb & Rosie. I love your elements and papers used here.. the Momma Bear and the 2 boy bears in the center and the little baby girl bear all arranged in sizes is precious. Thank you for sharing my friend. Sending you a great big hug!! Beautiful page and journaling.
      StefanieS likes this.
    • garrynkim
      What a terrific story, I love all the emotions I felt as I read it...happy, sad, love etc. The mama bear and her cubs is just such a cute depiction! I also love that little photo of the three of them tucked away at the top!
      StefanieS likes this.
    • StefanieS
      cfile likes this.
    • kimingvtx
      What a beautiful story with sadness, blessings, and gratitude. You have indeed done a wonderful job...raising 3 adults! Thank you for letting me read it.
      StefanieS likes this.
    • designbylime
      Wonderful but so sad. To loose two babies must be heartbreaking but in the end you got three healthy kids and found a joy in that. I can't imagined how hard it must have been but your story make me feel your love for your whole family.
      StefanieS likes this.
    • keepscrappin
      beautiful story... so glad i took the time to read it. sending you BIG HUGS from a mother who miscarried early on too, but I know I'll be reunited with that child again someday... families are forever. i love your border with the photo of your adult kids and the mama bear and her cubs. :wub
      StefanieS likes this.
    • flowersgal
      What a special story yours is with the blessings of 3 healthy children but the heartbreak of losing 2 others. So sorry for your loss. Thanks for sharing.
      StefanieS likes this.
    • Saar
      First of all... thank you for sharing such a personal story. It's so special and precious. I'm so sorry to read you lost two of your babies. I cannot imagine what you have gone through. I hope creating this layout worked therapeutic for you, even though some of the events in the story happened long time ago.
      I'm not going to say how much I love your layout, which I do, but it wouldn't do your story any justice. I just want to say... Love! :beat:heartlub
      StefanieS likes this.
    • bestcee
      This is beautiful. I love the little accents without overwhelming the story. I love how you attached the little photo of your kids, but left the emphasis on the story. Thank you for sharing that with me. I love how you were able to meet your goal, even if it wasn't the way you originally planned. My mom has had a few miscarriages and she reflected the same thing - it's hard to grieve.
      Thank you for playing in my challenge!
      StefanieS likes this.
    There are no comments to display.
  • Category:
    Month of Challenges 9
    Uploaded By:
    Jan 11, 2021
    View Count:
    Comment Count:

    EXIF Data

    File Size:
    246.7 KB
    Mime Type:

    Note: EXIF data is stored on valid file types when a photo is uploaded. The photo may have been manipulated since upload (rotated, flipped, cropped etc).