Laughter Heals

credits:

Sarah Gleason: Grow with Love Letters: May, Giggle Snort



journaling reads:

Having been a mother now for over ten years, I find that I have come to understand you so much better. I know that your childhood was hard. You have never really shared openly about it, but the things I have learned from your random comments here and there, from listening to you and your sister’s talk; it must have been rough. I cannot imagine the pain you all went through. But I can better understand why you did what you did while my sisters and I were growing up. Mom, I don’t remember you ever laughing when I was a child. I have a few memories of your laughing once I was in college. Laughing so hard you cried in fact. But I have no memories whatsoever of you laughing when I was a child. Not a real, genuine laugh. You always smiled when talking to people on the phone or interacting in real life, but it was never real. Even as a child I could tell. As soon as you hung up or walked away, the scowl that I remember so well always returned. You always seemed so unhappy, miserable even. That makes me sad. You were always so quick to sacrifice for us. I do remember that. But Mom, it was done with a scowl. We girls felt so guilty when you ‘gave up everything’ for us. We never asked you to sacrifice so much. To be honest, we would have loved for you to be happy. We would have loved to see you happy. All we really wanted was to be with you, to play, to scamper, to laugh, to enjoy being a family. We learned to be happy together, but we would have loved to have you and Dad enjoy life with us. I know you felt like you had no choice, you thought you were doing your duty. I know you loved us. But I do wish I had more happy memories of my childhood with you. As I build my family that is one thing that I make sure to keep in mind. Life is not always easy, but we can still enjoy life and family if we choose to. I want to make memories with my kids that they will cherish forever. I want to laugh and play and be silly with them, just because I can. I don’t want them to remember me as unhappy and angry all the time, but as a real person with ups and downs, who chose joy. And so I laugh Mom! When something is funny I just let myself laugh. I play, and act silly when the feeling comes over me. Sometimes my dishes don’t get done, and the laundry piles up, and I know you feel like I am being lazy, but I am not, Mom. I am loving my kids the way I wish I had been loved. The dishes will still be there in the morning, but one morning I will wake up and my kiddos will all be gone. I want to enjoy them while I still can. I love you Mom! And I hope that one day you find true JOY!