Agony
- Description
- Rachel Jefferies and Lynn Grieveson:
Hear My Voice 02 Hurting Digital Scrapbooking Complete Collection
Rachel Jefferies and Studio Basic:
Silent Battles: Grief - Bundle
Journal:
Danger to society; needs to be locked away, two things a parent never wants to hear about their 16 year old son. Never did I imagine it would come to this. Not now at least. Or maybe I have just been in denial these past few years? Ignoring the signs that have been there all along? I have known your behavior has gotten out of control. Your rages have gotten to the point where school no longer could keep other children or staff safe. You spent some time away in a group home a few years back and everyone thought it was okay to bring you home. And for a while you did good. You got a job, you went back to school. You were even mainstreamed for a bit. But it all became too much. You spiraled down the rabbit hole once again. Mainstream school became too overwhelming for your special needs and you couldn't handle it so you became to act out. Things became to unravel quickly. You started hanging out with kids from the wrong crowd. You wanted so bad to have "friends" and these kids made you feel cool. You are easily influenced and these kids got you into drugs. I watched my good boy turn into a kid who stole, lied and shuck out of the house. School got you back into the smaller class setting with kids like you, a class of all special needs students. And once again for a while you were doing good. A few months went by we celebrated your 16th birthday, and even talked about maybe drivers ed! You applied for your first real job on your own and were hired! But days before you were supposed to start something horrible happened. A friend talked you into using your birthday money to buy a gun from him. I am not totally convinced you know what you were doing. I am hoping you did not. But you hid this gun under your bed in your bedroom and the next day at school you told your teacher and a bunch of students your plan with this other kid was to shoot up the school and than walk to the other high school in the area and shoot up that school as well. Thinking about this still makes me cry. Why? How? What? How can this be my boy? My son? My little boy? I part of me thinks I may be dreaming. A part of me doesn't want to believe it is true. I know in my heart that you were influenced into saying these things by another student. It wasn't your idea. And you totally don't understand your actions. But these actions have now changed our lives. Since than you have been placed away from home in a detention center. The courts have found you a danger to society, and they are looking for somewhere to place you till you are 18 or older (they even mentioned the age 24.!) This means you no longer can be the best man in your mother's wedding , no longer be there to kiss good night, no longer can watch over your sisters and no longer can go on taco dates with your mom. I am at a loss for words. My heart is breaking and I am in pain. I feel as if I failed you. That I did not protect you enough from today's world. That I did not shelter you from the world around you and for that I am sorry my blue-eyed boy. I forgive you and I hope you forgive me. No matter what I want you to know, I love you. And I will always love you so.