amandac

MOC8 January 17 - Hindsight is 2020 Journaling Challenge

MOC8 January 17 - Hindsight is 2020 Journaling Challenge
amandac, Jan 18, 2020
Description:
MOC8 January 17 - Hindsight is 2020 Journaling Challenge
Credits:
Speak up! (Bundle) by Little Butterfly Wings
Journaling:
"Its funny, and sometimes hard, to look back and see the person I was in my twenties. From where I sit now, I can see myself as I really was and not how I perceived myself at the time. I can see myself as healthy, active AND within in a healthy weight range, but I all saw back then was that I was overweight, and lazy.

They say that hindsight is 20/20, and from here I can clearly see where it all went wrong. I remember being asked to participate in a study at the James Cook University, to help a friend with their research. I participated in a study measuring body mass indices and lifestyle/dietary choices and after all of the testing I was told that I was in the obese range of my BMI. I remember being shocked and horrified. Before that day I was happily confident in the body I had, I ate food I enjoyed, participated in activities that were fun and social and was content in myself for the most part.

After that I was obsessed about my body image, yo-yo-ing between extreme diets and exercise fads. I joined various programs and classes, sometimes I binge ate and then would throw up. I joined Jenny Craig and forced myself to eat that horrible food while feeding my (then) boyfriend all the yummy and filling foods he needed to eat as an active tradesperson and wishing it was me eating pizza and pasta. My self-image was terrible, my self-talk was incredibly negative, and all the fad diets just made matters worse. I would lose weight and then bounce back, putting on more and more weight each time. Having children and seeing my body’s changes afterwards made my self- image take a battering and the weight kept creeping up and up.

But looking back, at my twenty-year-old self, things were never as bad as I thought they were. Now I can see that all of that negative self-image I had about myself from that moment on, laid the foundations for years upon years of poor choices when it came to diet until I found myself, at 52 struggling with my highest ever weight and lowest feelings about myself. I finally said enough to it all. So here I am at 52, after hard work, good food choices and positive exercise experiences, at a place where I like myself again. The life-style program I am on is liveable long-term, easily manageable from a family perspective, my exercise schedule is achievable and maintainable and I am feeling healthier, happier and more content in myself than I have since that day I walked into the research study. I know I have a long way to go still but I don’t hate myself while I am taking this journey and THAT is where things are different this time around. I am not listening to negative self-talk, am AM listening to only the positive. I wish I could tell myself to not go, to not listen to those words, never take those steps towards a life-time of self-doubt and poor self-esteem but I can’t ….. I just wish, knowing what I know now, things could have been different. But better late than never ….. right? "


542 words
MrsPeel, chastml and valeriapiemonte like this.
    • norton94
      Incredibly powerful page. It's insane that the IRB didn't worry about this effect from their research on humans... so sad. It does start with one thing. I'm sorry you went through that. Your story resonates with me too. I did crazy food fads and Nutrisystem (powdered and frozen food meals which tasted horrible at least back then) to achieve goals when where I was looks pretty good from where I stand now LOL. Congratulations on your fresh and successful outlook now!
      amandac likes this.
    • KarenW
      Yep, I can totally relate - I was alwys a skinny person and then I had child no 1. I must have weighed all of 63Kgs and both my mother and MIL told me how overweight I was (nope - so not - I wish I could get somewhere near that now) messed with my body image up until now - must be something about hitting your 50's and having time to make the right changes I think. Inspiring page Amanda :beat
      norton94 and amandac like this.
    • amandac
      @norton94 + @KarenW thank you for you sweet words. I feel like its my time finally and I'm liking how its going :D, we do some terrible things to ourselves to meet other peoples expectations of us don't we? Hugs to you both for your own struggles xx
      norton94, cfile and KarenW like this.
    • cfile
      Beautiful and inspiring.. I can agree with all you wrote re the self image and negative thoughts too Amanda.. hugs my dear.. Very proud of you for all you have accomplished and as long as you are happy now that is all that matters :) You look beautiful - well done!! :) Beautifully scrapped. Thank you for sharing.
      amandac likes this.
    • MrsPeel
      I could talk about this all day..... it really iOS infuriating how society (and by your account, shameful that academics also do it) pressure us into stuff that can be traumatic..... love that you are in a good place, and so you should, because you are beautiful, talented and amazing in all possible ways!!!!! AWESOME page, love the visuals and your heart..... all the details (like the arrow and speech bubble) give it a dynamic and fresh feel. to balance with the journaling (which is awesome!!!) Love YOU!!!!!
      [​IMG]
      amandac and norton94 like this.
    • EHStudios
      This world is so freaking hard on people to be a certain way. I hate it. And now it starts even younger than you were. I'm so happy that you are now in a place doing what works for you!! Love your LO!
      amandac likes this.
    • amandac
      Thank you so much Christa@cfile, Cynthia @MrsPeel (love you too Cynthia you awesome woman, you!) and Elisa @EHStudios ..... your words mean so much to me xx
      EHStudios likes this.
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