Does anyone have a book/s they recommend geared towards children (my daughter is 10) who have lost a friend/classmate to an illness/sudden death? One of the little boys in my daughters class passed away yesterday after being in the hospital for a couple of weeks. I don't deal well with death, and still feeling the loss of my dad, I'm not really in a position to give advice nor do I have any words of wisdom for her, but I can tell she's sad/upset. Thank you!
See what you think of this book, it's a very gentle take on the subject. https://www.amazon.com/Fall-Freddie-Leaf-Story-Life/dp/0943432898I It works for adults too.
Oh my, Timmi. How sad for her! I have had to deal with a child losing a friend or classmate a couple times and its not easy. My son lost his very best friend to an auto accident when they were both just 14 years old. He is 46 now and still talks about his friend Timmy. I have looked at many books on Amazon and this one looks really good!! I love the letter to parents in the front of the book. It gives you tips on grieving children and how to deal with it. If you click on the book to the left, you can flip through some of the pages. Hope this helps. HUGS! Just saw the one Nightshadow added. It is also a great book!!! https://www.amazon.com/Sad-Isnt-Bad-Good-Grief-Guidebook/dp/0870293214/ref=cm_lmf_img_6
Oh that is so sad. I'm sorry. Those poor kiddos and family. I don't have any books but just needed to reach out.
I'm so sorry! I want to wrap you up in huge hugs! That's hard to deal with, especially at 10. The only advice I would have is let her choose whether she wants to go to the funeral or the burial or how much or little she wants to be a part of it. Don't let her classmates guilt her into going, and let her go if she needs the finality of it. We had a little boy (9) die in our neighborhood that was my younger siblings age. Too many parents pushed one way or the other and regretted it later.
I'm so sorry to see this Timmi. That is so hard! In my area we have a place called Lori's Place... it's a grief counseling center specifically for kids to deal with loss of any kind. I would definitely check to see if you have something like that because all of the people who have used this place locally, that can't say enough good things about it. Often they are non-profit places too so they don't charge for their services.
@Nightshadow @NancyP @norton94 @jesskab @bestcee @Karen Thank you ladies!! I will be finding these books for her. DH had a good talk with her last night (he so much better in these situations than I am), but I still think the books are needed. Her and I did talk about always being kind to everyone, because you just never know if that last interaction will your last, and I'd hate to see her go on with any kind of regret or feeling of guilt. This little boy has younger siblings who also go to their school, so there's a lot of children and grades impacted by his passing. His family will be sharing the details of his service, and we're going to let her make the decision on whether or not she would like to go.
Timmi, I'm so sorry. This must affect the whole school. Actually, has the school sent any information home to the parents, about grief counseling services in your area, or if the school's guidance counselor is available for kids who need to talk? Or you may want to ask the guidance counselor for book recommendations, too. And please don't discount your own ability to help her: While I am so sorry about the loss of your father, it does--from a practical-parenting point of view--give you a chance to sympathize with how she may be feeling. No one deals well with death and again, I am so very sorry for your loss. I'm not trying to make light of it, but instead to you remind you of your strength and how you can share it with your daughter. You have an opportunity to tell her about grief in a way appropriate for a 10yo to hear. You could say that yes, it's okay to be sad. It's always okay to cry, and you may see others upset too. You can hug your friends and maybe it will help. [Those are all just ideas of how to word it. My long point is that you can talk to her if a moment comes up, esp. since she may want to talk after reading one of the books.]
@bbymks5 I'm so sorry she has to deal with this, Timmi. You've received excellent advice from everyone that posted above. I will definitely keep her in my prayers. Death in any form is never easy to deal with. The book is a very good idea. A dear friend's daughter is going through the same thing. One of her classmates was struck by a Domino's delivery driver last week while she was out jogging. The driver got out of the car and saw that she was injured and then just drove away. Can you believe that? A child that happened to be a passenger in a passing car saw her unconscious body on the side of the road and got their parent to stop & call 911. Who knows how long she had been lying there. They were only able to track down the 21-year-old Domino's driver because the moron dropped his cap when he got out to check on her before driving away. She was finally taken off life support on Monday. She was only 16 years old. It's just heartbreaking. I'll definitely pray for the family of your daughter's classmate as well. Their entire world has changed, and I hate seeing any parent having to go through that. It just tears me up. Sending them much love!
They had grief counselors were there yesterday, but she didn't want to speak to any of them, she isn't very comfortable talking about her feelings with strangers...I really wish she would have went to see what they would say, she didn't need to talk. I need to reach out to the school tomorrow to see what resources they have available, they didn't send any information home via memo or email. His service is being held this Saturday, for now she would like to go, but that could change at the last minute, and I'm okay with whatever she decides. We did talk about what funerals are like, but I did let her know they are all very different and I have never been to one for a classmate, so I'm not exactly sure what to expect.
I'm in shock reading this...I just don't understand how anyone could just leave the scene! I completely understand being afraid and not knowing what kind of trouble you'll be in, but wouldn't they want the person to stay if the roles were reversed?!!? And all of the what-if's...would she have made it had he stopped and helped? I will keep them in my thoughts, so very tragic to have such a young life ripped away in such a cruel way.
I wish I had thought of that! A few years ago (I think 5th grade), one of my son's friends/classmates (and the classmate's sibling) was actually murdered by her own mom. The parents were going through a custody fight -- not that that really explains it but I guess it was enough to bring out a serious mental problem. That was a tough one to work through with my son - very difficult to explain to him how that made any sense since, of course, it didn't.
I appreciate it, and I didn't mean to hijack your thread! The driver is out on bail (can you believe THAT?)! The family kept her on life support for several extra days until all of her organs could find "homes," and then they took her off. I guess the only consolation is that with the severity of her injuries, it probably wouldn't have made a difference if he had called for help right away, but it's of very little consolation.
Oh no, that's terrible!! It's hard enough to process someone so young passing away due to an illness, but to have to try and explain a parent was responsible for their deaths, I can't even imagine. Especially since, we tell them we're always going to be there to protect them, and we'd never hurt them. It's hard enough for some adults to understand mental illness/breakdowns, but for a child...just no.
How FAST was he going to cause that much injury?!!? And WHY is he out on bail?!!? He is clearly, in my non professional opinion a FLIGHT RISK!! He took off from the scene of the crime, what makes them think he won't run again?!!? I'm speechless! Her parents are doing the most selfless thing by donating her organs, that is such a beautiful thing! I know it's not an easy decision to make, but the comfort they must feel is unmeasurable. Hopefully they can connect with some of the recipients, I'm sure they would like to thank her parents too.
I'm so sorry, Timmi! I don't really have any other advice to add to what's already been suggested. I just wanted to send big hug and love to you all...so heartbreaking.
lovely idea for the school as a whole - sorry you are all going through this - i'm not good at dealing with this stuff either (nor is DH really so you are one up on us) so i know what you mean but the book idea sounds like a good one too.
